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" I always like to get local music when I'm in another country. "

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" I'd like to run for office someday, but I'm afraid my ability to spell might give me an unfair advantage. "

" The theme of the party was Neverland Ranch, so guests were asked to come as anyone or anything associated with Michael Jackson. It was all very disturbing. "

" Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven. "

" Like every aspect of cancer I've weathered thus far, today's experience was not at all demoralizing, expensive or humiliating. No, it was just plain fun. "

" I had glow in the dark bands made up and I've given away a ton of them. "

" I have found that many other countries will buy off on anything American. As much as they hate us, they want to be us more than anything. "

" I know you aren't supposed to speak ill of the dead. "

" I had a migraine for about seven or eight straight days, and I was unable to sleep most nights. "

" I wish you a tolerable Thursday. That's all any of us can hope for. "

" My bedspread isn't washable. Since my bedding has to be washed every day, I'll have to throw it out. "

" Let's stop playing with ourselves and get on with the entertainment, shall we? "

" I can wholeheartedly apologize for not being at all sorry. And it really is the least I can do. "

" I never have anything to talk about. "

" I remember lying down for a nap one day at about 4:00 and walking up at 11:00 the next morning. "

" Personally, I think tying garbage bags around your head and hands is overkill. "

" Usually, jet lag is not this big of an issue for me. I'm not sure why I'm so disoriented this time. It could be due to the amount of chocolate and french fries I've eaten in the last two and a half weeks. "