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" I can't pay her back, but what I can do is make her as happy as she thought I would when we first got married. "

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" I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely. "

" I don't know if the art of stand-up will survive. Stand-up seems dated. Now you can do a mini-movie or a short with a beginning, middle, and end. A guy standing there seems a little old - especially when you can go on the Internet and see 'Funny or Die.' "

" If this country wants to elect someone with no political experience who is racially insensitive and golfs... In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law. "

" I never realized I could love people as much as I do now. "

" Freddie Prinze was my idol, and he died, and there is not much of his stuff to look at. But now, your comedy can live on forever. "

" When I look at the Gospel, I see how it is speaking to me at this time. I see how to be to others and it helps. "

" I love comedy and I would write things to myself as an exercise in writing. I didn't do well for years, and I quit. I started to break down why I was afraid and started to look at people I admired, like Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Freddie Prinze, George Carlin and all. "

" I didn't want to be nobody, and that was the only way I could be somebody was to do stand-up. "

" David Letterman is the best late-night talk show host right now, hands down, and has been since he first took the desk. "

" I had a very difficult childhood. I was surrounded by people who had both parents, which made me feel different. Having a bit of a rougher existence early on, it made me appreciate the work ethic that my grandparents instilled in me. "

" Everything will be seen on your computer or BlackBerry or whatever devices we will be seeing in the future. Comedians will put their content on whatever server and send it to you specifically. We may even lose the live performance. "

" If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine. "

" The first night was awful because I was so afraid, and I was never more afraid because it was going out of my character to be outgoing and to be vulnerable and to be out there and onstage. My hands were sweaty and I couldn't swallow, and I drank a bottle of wine to calm my nerves. "

" It was June 4, 1979, the first time I went on stage. I didn't know I could do it but I knew I couldn't not do it. I quit everything in my life and this was the one thing I couldn't quit. "

" The thing that upsets me the most is the entitlement of people that will stand with a flag and say to some other people that they need to go back to where they came from. When, in fact, they also would need to go back to where they came from, because you need to go all the way back to the beginning. "

" It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority. "

" I believe that there are certain things that could be taken care of that you don't need a strong political background in. "

" I didn't come from a background where I saw a lot of loving couples. All my aunts and uncles were either split up or fighting all the time. The only healthy relationships I saw were on TV. "

" When things are bad, it's the best time to reinvent yourself. "

" It's not even about black and white anymore, because so many people are from mixed backgrounds and mixed ethnicities, and it's just a great time to be able to pull all that together. "

Black And White

" When you go to cable, there are no stations and no affiliates and they allow you to do your show. "

" So I started to relax and would work on my act eight hours a day, sitting at a desk writing at my grandmother's house, and I would put on Richard Pryor Live on Long Beach and would play it like a loop and think and write. "

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "