Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. "

Related Quotes:

" I think maybe one reason why ventriloquists are looked down on is because it's very difficult to be funny. I think what happens is that people get a dummy, they learn the technique of ventriloquism, they memorize the script, they think they're in show business. "

" My life needs editing. "

" I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them? "

" I'm known as a kind of dramatic, serious, almost humorless actor and the fact is, I'm a funny guy, and I spend most of my life trying to find a lighter side of things, and on stage was given plenty of opportunity to do that. "

" We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" If you're naturally kind, you attract a lot of people you don't like. "

William Feather

" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "

Garrett Hedlund

" Funny things tend not to happen to me. I am not a natural comic. I need to think about things a lot before I can be even remotely amusing. "

" We didn't even think about it, you know? I used to collect laser discs, and you'd have some college professor analyzing It's a Wonderful Life or Citizen Kane, and now it is pretty funny - the idea of commentary for a silly kid's movie, you know? "

" We know that the nature of genius is to provide idiots with ideas twenty years later. "

" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "

" I've spent days in cinemas answering questions from the audience, in interviews, travelling abroad, and all they do is thank me nicely. "

" Even Napoleon had his Watergate. "

" I think that I come off as, 'Nothing bothers me, I don't care! I'm funny and sassy.' But I'm deeply sensitive. Not only about myself but to others. Not to pat myself on the back, empathy is a quality I've cultivated over my life. It came naturally to me as a child. "

" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "

" I have found that people who really want to work at 'Saturday Night Live' and pursue it get pretty close. You have to be funny - but everyone who works there, it was their dream to work there. So it's kind of nice in that way - there's a lot of people who say, 'I just always wanted to do this, and now I'm doing it.' "

" It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usually don't like female comedians, but your material is great!' It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know? "

Chelsea Peretti

" Turns out you have a really fun time if you go to work every day and focus on being silly and funny and happy! "

" Let's have some new cliches. "

" Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. "

P. G. Wodehouse

" It's a great day in America when white people, black people and Latinos can all come together and pick on another minority. "

" Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. "

" I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name. "

Paula Poundstone

" The superfluous, a very necessary thing. "

" I have an unfortunate personality. "

" I went to private school for a very long time, and we always wore uniforms. Then in third grade, I switched to a public school, so I was so excited to wear what I wanted on the first day. I remember I chose this orange hoodie with a skirt, and it's so funny when I think about it now because my style really hasn't changed that much. "

" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "

Robert Downey, Jr.

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. "