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" I can't play video games or games on my phone because I'll go into a deep vortex, and no one will hear from me for weeks. "

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" I did, like, one or two plays in high school, but I don't think I realized I wanted to do comedy until I got to college, and I started doing improv and saw the Upright Citizens Brigade perform and did workshops with them. "

" I won't share everything, both in my act or in interviews. Some of the people who become the most famous are the most self-revelatory, and I'm like, 'No, it's just not worth it to me.' "

" I do a lot of eavesdropping. That's one of the things I miss about New York: just checking people out. "

" When I first got to New York, Comedy Central was the only place to go if you weren't on HBO or network. And then FX, Adult Swim, and other sort of ventures came up, and all of a sudden there were other places to go, and I think Comedy Central is making a concerted effort to become a place where smart, funny weirdoes can come and do their stuff. "

" Doing radio commercials was how I was really able to leave my day job. "

" I would be psyched to get a phone call from Al Sharpton. I need to find out who does his hair. It's beautiful. It's a gorgeous mane. "

" I got my SAG card doing commercials. "

" There's just a feeling, when you're just an actor - I have great admiration for people who are just actors. I don't understand it, the idea of waiting to get cast, being at the whim of others. I find it incredibly powerless and frightening, so that's why I've been constantly trying to create my own content. "

" Meeting someone you admire, and then that person's like, 'I'm a fan of your work' - it's a really neat feeling. "

" I came to New York and started doing stand-up and improv, and started auditioning for commercials and voiceovers and stuff. My first job was on a pilot of that prank show called 'Boiling Points' on MTV. "

" Contrary to widespread belief, I do know something about science. "

" Comedy is so collaborative. You're going to come up with better jokes with people you like joking around with. It just makes sense. "

" I'm a good uncle, but I'm not a great caretaker. I feel oftentimes pretty selfish within the relationships I have with my siblings and, historically, with what I give back versus what I've taken over the years. "

" I didn't have any terrible survival jobs. The main job I had before I was able to transition over to acting full-time was working at an after-school program at a middle school teaching improv and standup. So even when I had a regular job, I was still lucky enough to be doing the stuff I loved in some way. "

" Kashi looks like twigs, so it makes me feel like I'm healthy. This cereal has been with me since childhood. Once a year in my family, we had a junk food day. I could eat Cocoa Crisps and Fruit Loops. Now I'm back eating Kashi. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother has won. "

" My friends, we all improvise together usually. So we write what I think is a good script but always leave a lot of room to find stuff on the day; and we always do find something. That's the advantage to having actors who are, in their own right, writers. "

" I was never a western guy, but I happened upon 'Tombstone' one day on TV and was really sort of taken with it. It's one of those movies that, if it's on TV, I can't turn it off. I just have to watch the whole thing. "

" Between podcasts and places like Funny or Die or CollegeHumor, there are so many venues to get the word out. It makes it difficult in that there's a never-ending desire for content, so you have to constantly be turning stuff out, but that makes you better and more prolific in general. "

" I miss the New York bagel but miss the New York bialy even more. It's a great compromise of bagel feeling with less dough stuffing. "

" When you start as an actor, you can only hope you'll be able to act at all - let alone on a show that lasts seven seasons. "

" Oftentimes the shows that don't work help you get it right. "

" Usually, one of the first things I think about when I'm developing a character is what they're wearing. I mean, it sounds very cheesy and very actor-y, but it really does help me figure it out. "

" We all suffer in our own way; like, life is miserable. And I'm not, 'Oh, I'm a stand-up who's sad,' but the reality is that just about everyone is quietly unhappy. I don't think that pertains to comedians specifically. I think most people look at themselves in the mirror and are not happy with what they see. "

" Fantasy football has changed how I watch football because now every game is interesting start to finish. Even when its the Browns and Lions. "

" A comedian is sort of like a wild animal. It really just depends on where you catch them. Sometimes they want to cuddle up, and sometimes they'll snap at you. But for me, more often than not, if I'm talking to somebody who makes their living in comedy, it'll be a very thoughtful conversation driven from an emotionally honest place. "

" I wish I was a cool guy and could drink coffee black, but I put almond milk and raw cane sugar in it. "

" I speak some Spanish. I would love to go make a movie in Spanish. I'd love to be in an Almodovar movie or an Inarritu. "

" The more variance I have in my days, the more exciting each thing is and the more I enjoy doing it. "

" I feel incredibly lucky at this moment in my career to get paid to do basically exactly what I always wanted to do. I appreciate that in general. But you know, like any job, a job is a job, and there are days that are going to be boring, or you have a boss you don't like, or people you work with. "

" You have to have a first job to learn how to act, do interviews, pose for photo shoots, and negotiate how you'll say lines with writers. My first network show, 'Cavemen,' just happened to be one that was culturally reviled. "