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" I kiss, but I don't tell. "

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" No one likes a show-off, but if parallel parking was an Olympic sport, I would get gold, no probs. "

" Pessimism is my default setting. "

" People come up to me and say, 'Can I just thank you for writing my life?' And I reply, 'I'm glad someone else is as idiotic as I am.' "

" It's on the bucket list for sure to do a comedy film, even if it was just one line on the lot. "

" I did things like get in a cupboard before the teacher came in at the beginning of a lesson, and then, two minutes before the end of the class, I come out of the cupboard and go, 'Sorry I'm late.' "

" No blessing goes uncontested. It will take a long time to get your dream. "

" Everyone - particularly my female friends I speak to - all say 'I wouldn't be in my twenties again if I was paid.' It's a difficult time. "

" I have lots of ambitions. I'd love to do theatre. I'd like to be in 'Tea With Mussolini 2;' I'd like to touch Meryl Streep - which would involve being with her in some exotic location. I have lots of fantastical dreams. "

" I know there are fewer women comics, and I think there'll continue to be an inherent sexism in many industries, comedy being one, just because things do take a while to evolve. Things are changing, but it's going to take time. I accept this rather than getting angry about it. "

" I hate talking about my height, because I don't feel like a tall person... When I see a tall woman, I'm always slightly like, 'Whoa.' It looks weird, but that could be because of my complex about it, my worry over whether it's womanly to be that tall. "

" My greatest crush was Chandler from 'Friends.' And Goran Ivanisevic. "

" I have always thought of comedy as an important job and medium, and so I put pressure on myself to do the best I can. "

" I do feel that there is a little confusion in people's minds between the real me and sitcom Miranda. I am pleased that people identify with the character, but I think they want me to be her and are disappointed that the real Miranda doesn't actually fall into graves or be that rubbish at life. "

" My mum said to me once years ago, which really spurred me on, 'You're the funniest person I know'. I loved that. "

" I am essentially a middle-aged woman who likes making up weird snack combinations and galloping. "

" Obviously I love the fans, and it's beyond lovely that people like my work, and I love saying 'Hi,' shaking a hand, doing a high five. All that's fine. But the posing for photos is so time-consuming and frankly a bit weird. "

" The main reason I got into comedy was in the hope that I could make a few people laugh and feel better about life, and the fact that I do that is quite overwhelming, really. "

" I started watching some 'Doctor Who' recently on my own and got too scared. I had to watch it in the daytime - I'm pathetic. "

" Reviews are written by people who don't understand the process of sitcom. I don't read reviews of anything. I go by word of mouth. "

" I own nothing of value at all. I spend money on experiences. "

" I suppose you want me to say I'm at parties all the time and am secretly going out with Tom Cruise, but I am afraid that is not the case. I'm still in my pyjamas at nine o'clock each night, watching ITV2 without telling anyone. "

" There are some professions that culturally and sociologically take a long time to change, and because of that, there's still sexism in comedy audiences. We shouldn't blame them: I do it too. A woman comes on, and I feel slightly anxious. I'm a woman in comedy, and I do that; I think everyone does. "

" The embarrassment of a situation can, once you are over it, be the funniest time in your life. And I suppose a lot of my comedy comes from painful moments or experiences in life, and you just flip them on their head. "

" People are obviously going to mention what I look like, but it's a shame it has to be a key part. I can't just be Miranda. "

" Because I have a dog, it's easier to work at home: I sit in a horrible weird 'Mastermind'-style chair and bask in my own mediocrity. Being single, I've no family life to distract me at the end of the day. Apart from taking the dog for a walk, I have no other responsibilities. "

" I'm not particularly into the formal, political side of faith, although I am spiritual and I do have a faith. But 'Strictly Come Dancing' is my religion. "

" I'm not saying writing comedy's brain surgery, but there is a certain pressure to it. It's the equivalent of doing homework that's going to end up on national television. "

" I'm quite a confident person in many ways, but there's only so much you can hear about being compared to Hattie Jacques. For the record, she was a comedy goddess, but she was 25 stone. I hope I'm right in saying I'm not in any way nearly 25 stone. "

" We all get given these bodies, and they're all fascinating and different... I wouldn't want to be without the wrinkles. "

" I am pleased to say that I am not a tortured comedian - I laugh a lot. My twenties weren't particularly happy, but it's the same for a lot of people. In your thirties, you realise that your life and your worries are really insignificant, and you have to force yourself to be more positive and take each day as a gift. "