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" I did things like get in a cupboard before the teacher came in at the beginning of a lesson, and then, two minutes before the end of the class, I come out of the cupboard and go, 'Sorry I'm late.' "

Miranda Hart

Sorry

End

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" I am essentially a middle-aged woman who likes making up weird snack combinations and galloping. "

" People come up to me and say, 'Can I just thank you for writing my life?' And I reply, 'I'm glad someone else is as idiotic as I am.' "

" I suppose you want me to say I'm at parties all the time and am secretly going out with Tom Cruise, but I am afraid that is not the case. I'm still in my pyjamas at nine o'clock each night, watching ITV2 without telling anyone. "

Miranda Hart

You

Night

" Everyone - particularly my female friends I speak to - all say 'I wouldn't be in my twenties again if I was paid.' It's a difficult time. "

" I have a fantastic method for anti-ageing. It's eating. Plumps out your skin beautifully. "

" The main reason I got into comedy was in the hope that I could make a few people laugh and feel better about life, and the fact that I do that is quite overwhelming, really. "

" By the age of 13, I knew I wanted to be a comedian like Morecambe and Wise. So, obviously, I thought I'd better start practising my interviews for Parkinson. Don't look shocked - I wasn't the only teenager to imagine that. Though I may have been the only one to have chosen T'Pau as my walk-on music. "

" I own nothing of value at all. I spend money on experiences. "

" Obviously I love the fans, and it's beyond lovely that people like my work, and I love saying 'Hi,' shaking a hand, doing a high five. All that's fine. But the posing for photos is so time-consuming and frankly a bit weird. "

" I am pleased to say that I am not a tortured comedian - I laugh a lot. My twenties weren't particularly happy, but it's the same for a lot of people. In your thirties, you realise that your life and your worries are really insignificant, and you have to force yourself to be more positive and take each day as a gift. "

" If I had had plastic surgery, I would have asked for something better than the face you are seeing! I actually really hate plastic surgery when it's just for aesthetics and anti-ageing. I think ageing is beautiful and expressive and characterful. "

" There are some professions that culturally and sociologically take a long time to change, and because of that, there's still sexism in comedy audiences. We shouldn't blame them: I do it too. A woman comes on, and I feel slightly anxious. I'm a woman in comedy, and I do that; I think everyone does. "

" I hate talking about my height, because I don't feel like a tall person... When I see a tall woman, I'm always slightly like, 'Whoa.' It looks weird, but that could be because of my complex about it, my worry over whether it's womanly to be that tall. "

" I do love to cry. I'll cry at the drop of a hat. I'll cry at your basic television programme, let alone a weepie. But not big, heavy, serious crying. I haven't done that for a while, which is a relief. More like a little welling up of joy. "

" No blessing goes uncontested. It will take a long time to get your dream. "

" I do feel that there is a little confusion in people's minds between the real me and sitcom Miranda. I am pleased that people identify with the character, but I think they want me to be her and are disappointed that the real Miranda doesn't actually fall into graves or be that rubbish at life. "

Miranda Hart

Life

People

" I want to be more physical and theatrical within the stand-up. There might be dance moments, and people better watch out - I will gallop. "

" I loved school. Not sure how much I focused on the education; just had fun and played lacrosse for seven years. It was lucky I had sport, which I was good at, so it didn't matter that I wasn't great on the academic side, or not brilliant at drama. Although I am still bitter about not being in the school choir. Furious, actually. "

" I am not married, no. I wasn't really into the notion when I was younger, but now I think a proposal is the ultimate romantic gesture. "

" Writing humour certainly involves pain. A sitcom is 6 months of writing pain! "

" I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade. "

" I kiss, but I don't tell. "

Miranda Hart

Kiss

Tell

" You want comedic themes to be recogniseable life truths that we all battle with, and with that comes the healing properties of comedy. "

" I know there are fewer women comics, and I think there'll continue to be an inherent sexism in many industries, comedy being one, just because things do take a while to evolve. Things are changing, but it's going to take time. I accept this rather than getting angry about it. "

" We all get given these bodies, and they're all fascinating and different... I wouldn't want to be without the wrinkles. "

" In my head, I have the most sensational singing voice. I perform concerts to thousands in the shower. The reality is I can hold a tune. The dream is a West End musical one day - no, really! "

" It's a real man who can go out with a woman who's taller than he is. That's an alpha male right there. "

Miranda Hart

Real

Man

" If you're naturally a certain size, I think it suits you and you can see that. There's no point in trying to conform for the sake of it. People are meant to be different shapes, and their different shapes are so interesting and, ultimately, why people fall in love with them. "

" I think babies are a bit boring, actually. They're OK when they're older; they make you laugh. I think we all think that, really - we just don't say it. "

" I'm very much in denial that I can't dance. I really go for it, which is almost more embarrassing. "

Miranda Hart

Go For It

Much