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" I love a woman who's solid in her shoes. "
" When I went to college, I did clothing and textiles. It really wasn't until I moved to New York, my second night in, I did stand-up. I took a wild left turn, and instead of going back and finishing school at FIT, I started doing stand-up and acting. "
" I want pockets in my dresses. I put pockets in everything! I want pockets inside my pockets. "
" Comedy to me is all about the bumps and bruises and weird tics. "
" The average size of a woman is 14. "
" I've never been interested in playing the boring ingenue. "
" Ben and I have absolutely nothing to do with the Hollywood that's all actors and the Sunset Strip. We crave talking to people who do different things and are passionate about it. "
" I've always had mostly gay male friends. "
" I didn't really know how to write jokes, so I just told weird, long stories about being tall and beautiful and wealthy in New York. I'd tell them very seriously, but I kind of looked like a drag queen at the time with big wigs and crazy 12-inch platform heels. "
" I make a mean coconut macaroon. "
" I'm like a three-and-a-half, four-hour-a-night sleeper. It's not enough to function. "
" When I was 22, I met with some janky manager, and she told me, 'You're never going to work at this weight.' I think I was a size 6 at the time. There is just this weird thing about how we perceive women in this country. I would love to be a part of breaking that down. "
" Somebody ripped their pants open at my wedding, dipping my mother. My mother is not a lady who throws herself into a dip that often, so I don't think he thought she was really going to do it. "
" I'm not a great pregnant woman. "
" I think the reason I'm an actress is because I love playing kind of a more extreme people. "
" Everybody's a train wreck in their own very special way. But there's something wildly freeing about someone who's unapologetic, who knows they're a wreck and doesn't even try to hide it, just bulldozes through life. "
" I have blocks of wood all over my house; I spend all of my day knocking! "
" I've been every size in the world. Parts of my twenties, I was in great shape, but I didn't appreciate it. 'If I was a 6 or an 8,' I thought, 'Why aren't I a 2 or a 4?' "
" I will embarrass my kids to their core. I will threaten to show up in hot pants and a tube top. Their dad will drive me. And he'll let me and my friend Lisa get pretty drunk in the backseat, and we will come into that party and just rip it up. "
" In terms of the characters I think are really fun to play, a lot of times it's someone in my head saying 'I know that woman.' "
" I just figure if it has my name on it, and I want to make people feel good about wearing it, I can't pass it off. "
" I do think comedy needs to be a living thing, but I think without a great script and fully realized characters, you cannot keep it living. Otherwise, it just becomes long and rambling, indulgent. So I think you need both, frankly. "
" One of the best parts of a woman's body is that curve, and I go a little bit higher on all of my things to show off the best part of the hourglass. "
" I think there's so many points of view that you want to make sure your stories are being told from men and women... you get all of the different backgrounds. You don't want every story being told from the same point of view. So just for better storytelling, I'm like, 'Yes, please, bring some more ladies on.' "
" I just don't lose weight easily. "
" I have experience dressing me as a 6, a 12, and more. And when you go above a size 12, you don't lose your love of fashion. "
" I want to make each piece of clothing work 15 different ways. "
" Strangers shouldn't be allowed to take a picture of your child and sell it for profit. "
" I believe it matters how you treat people. I believe in Heaven. I don't believe that this is it, and then we're done. I have a lovely relationship with God, although when I've lost someone or I've seen a sick child, I've had conversations with Him in which I've had to ask, 'How can that be right?' "
" I'm always tinkering with something - suddenly I'll think I can work with wood, but then I'll realize I can't, so I go back to sewing. "
" When I believe in something, I'm like a dog with a bone. "