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" I never thought I was going to have children. I just thought after 45, that was it. "

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" My kind of gay, meeting a woman and falling in love, is a different experience because it wasn't anything about 'Oh, I've always been gay and I'm breaking the chains.' "

" My kind of gay is like the late-breaking-lesbian kind of gay. "

" My father was the king of the joke-tellers. I was so impressed as a child watching him, holding people in rapt attention. "

" I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. "

" Honestly, so much of my book is about the best things in my life have happened since I'm 40. "

" All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff. "

" I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom. "

" I always say to women, 'Take advantage of the fact that you're in the minority, don't see it as a disadvantage. You're that much more unique when there's fewer of you.' "

" I cried when I turned 34 for no other reason than 34 sounded old to me at the time. "

" My father was a huge influence on me. "

" My stand-up act is very clean. "

" My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement. "

" Obviously, at this age, I've lost people in my life. But with a parent, it's just different. I was very attached to my father and had this naive little-girl notion that he'd always be around. So I'm finding acceptance of my father's death is the hardest thing to accept. "

" Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that. "

" As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection. "

" I feel I've always got to keep my stand-up because I never want to lose it. "

" There are so many opportunities that I could've gotten before if I had just took a little more of a risk. "

" I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it. "

" I've seen too many comics who got their own shows and were undone because they worked for an executive producer who didn't understand their comedy or their sensibility. "

" There were very few women comics when I started out doing stand-up. But I always saw that as a great advantage. "

" My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.' "

" I'm always a big fan of if you approach somebody politely about something and you're not a nudge - you're just pretty honest and simple, my kind of philosophy is that I'm not afraid of 'no,' and that's way different than 'I won't take no for an answer.' "