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" I think that most New Yorkers would object to calling me a New Yorker. I didn't grow up here. "
Sloane Crosley
Grow
Think
New
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" Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry. "
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Will
You
" The trick to scrambled eggs is to remove half the milk from the container and shake what's left as hard as you can, like a cocktail shaker, before you whisk it into the eggs. "
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Cocktail
You
Milk
" I write on weekends, on vacation, and, really - on deadline and on my floor. Both terrible for the back. "
Sloane Crosley
Weekends
Both
Back
" I love giving people advice on what to do with their books, but I don't really know how a Kindle Single gets covered. "
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Giving
People
Love
" They say it's not the snoring itself but those anxiety-packed moments in between snorts. It's the waiting for the nasal passages of the person lying beside you to strike again. And strike it always does. In the dark, almost against your will, you produce that special glare reserved for people who cannot control their own behaviour. "
Sloane Crosley
Waiting
People
Moments
" I think the rule of thumb should be this: if you preface a sentence about a friend with the phrase, 'I love X, but... ' more than once in any conversation, you should stop hanging out with them. "
Sloane Crosley
Love
Friend
Conversation
" Yes. I am writing full-time. Which is strange. It feels like not having a job. "
Sloane Crosley
I Am
Yes
Writing
" Normally, I am a vocal advocate for 'looking both ways' and 'knowing the size of one's own body.' But working, socialising and simply running errands in Manhattan, means I am bound to break my own rules on occasion. "
Sloane Crosley
Own
Looking
Body
" Cats and their owners are on a private, exclusive loop of affection. Thus cats have become symbolic of a community eschewed and a hyper-engagement with oneself. They represent the profound danger of growing so independent in New York that it's not merely that you don't need anyone - it's that you don't know how to need anyone. "
Sloane Crosley
Cats
You
New York
" You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial. "
Sloane Crosley
Strange
Treatment
Beauty
" Let me put it this way: I don't feel as settled as I look. I think that's true of everyone, probably. Except for Beyonce and Jay-Z. I don't think they wake up and think, 'Ugh, when's it going to work out for us? Why can't we catch a break?' Aside from them, I'm pretty sure everyone's life feels a lot less intentional. "
Sloane Crosley
Me
Think
Life
" I would gladly have accepted a heaping spoonful of nepotism when I got out of college and was looking for a job. "
Sloane Crosley
Out
College
Got
" The world I describe is about how people live now. It's not about zany people with unlimited, inexplicable funds in an apartment somewhere. "
Sloane Crosley
Somewhere
World
People
" In every woman's wardrobe, there are certain accessories that cannot be separated from their back stories. "
Sloane Crosley
Woman
Accessories
Back
" As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during the day. "
Sloane Crosley
Most
Done
Day
" I don't understand how you can be a decent writer and not know people. "
Sloane Crosley
Writer
People
You
" For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane. "
Sloane Crosley
Enough
Experience
Me
" Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics. "
Sloane Crosley
Sweet
Place
Health
" Juice cleansing has been all the rage for some time. And I used the word 'rage' advisedly; one must push a violent flood of liquidised vegetables and fruit through one's system for at least three days in order to perform a 'cleanse.' "
Sloane Crosley
Rage
Fruit
Juice
" Every day of my adult life, I have worn at least one piece of jewelry from my maternal grandmother's collection, all of which were manufactured by famed Danish silversmith Georg Jensen. To the naked eye, I am either a Jensen loyalist or a grandmother loyalist. Really I am just a Pretty Things loyalist. "
Sloane Crosley
Jewelry
Every Day
I Am
" My personality, when tasked with creating meals, goes something like this: Is there a way we can make this more difficult? Because let's do that. I don't mean to complicate things. It's just - why buy pre-packaged potato salad when you can spend your morning boiling potatoes and flipping out because there's no dill in the house? "
Sloane Crosley
You
House
Way
" I was the youngest of my entire family so you are tap-dancing to try to get the attention of your older cousins. I really hit my social stride in 6th grade, but before that I was a pretty big dork. You learn how to be amusing and how to work for it. "
Sloane Crosley
Family
You
Work
" There is no such thing as a crazy dog person in New York. Are there people who are completely insane about their dogs? Hordes. But cat people may as well have whiskers and tails themselves. That's because their pets' lack of social need taps straight into our worst fears as the human inhabitants of New York. "
Sloane Crosley
New York
Dog
Crazy
" As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Will
Tell
" I thought I was going to write fiction but I fell backwards into non-fiction. It started when I got locked out of two apartments in one day and I told the story to some friends, one of whom worked in the 'Village Voice' and asked me to turn it into an essay. "
Sloane Crosley
Me
Thought
Day
" For a long time I wanted to draw, but I could never get the proportions right. My still life sketches were the artistic equivalent of someone who has misjudged the space constraints of a postcard, the handwriting shrinking uncomfortably at the bottom. "
Sloane Crosley
Life
Space
Long Time
" My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Teacher
Mother
" A pet store is a celebration of dogs' existence and an explosion of options. About cats, a pet store seems to say, 'Here, we couldn't think of anything else.' Cats are the Hanukkah of the animal world in this way. They are feted quietly and happily by a minority, but there's only so much hoopla applicable to them. "
Sloane Crosley
Pet
Say
Think
" Everyone has been in a social situation where you say something and it goes unnoticed, then someone else says the same thing and everyone laughs a lot. You learn how to be more creative and whacky and amusing. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Situation
Say
" I think it's hard to have a full-time job and write fiction, but for essays, you need to be in the world. "
Sloane Crosley
World
Job
Hard