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" I think the obsession with wanting to change yourself is crazy over the top. "

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" I love Kathy Griffin, I think she's brilliant, but for me, there is a line when I go OK, that's too much. "

" Be relentless and then you'll break through. "

" I think comedians have a function in society, which is to make fun of our icons. "

" Your work is a separate thing from you. You are this person who has your friends and your life, and you have to see the separation. If you see the separation between your work and yourself it's so much easier. "

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" I don't just want to be successful I want to have fun. "

" It would be thrilling if I could be boycotted or something. I think that's part of the thrill Madonna gets, when you know you've hit a nerve. But that doesn't scare me. To me what would be a lot scarier would be like appearing on an episode of 'Full House' or something. "

" I've known lots of people that are talented and nothing happens. It's not about talent, it's relentless drive. "

" There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood. "

" This whole generation of parents - I'm guilty of it too - does too much for their kids. "

" I got confused. I thought it was a K.Y. scare, so I bought 2000 jars of personal lubricant. I still have some. "

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" You have to do anything you can think of that gets you excited. "

" Going to Catholic school was what fueled me into comedy. The nuns were so brutal so I used to try to make my friends laugh. "

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" I was always trying to do things to make school fun. "