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" I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh, then I'll go on for 20 minutes. "
Michael Caine
Laugh
Hand
Me
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" The first thing I'll do if I want to look really crappy is, I don't wear any makeup at all. "
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Really
Want
First
" I think life has got to develop as you get older, and I don't want to be wandering along doing the same old thing. I want more out of life. "
Michael Caine
Life
Think
Want
" I don't meet stockbrokers or carpenters or coal miners; I spend all day with actors, composers and photographers. "
Michael Caine
All Day
Miners
Meet
" I'm a sort of boy next door. If that boy has a good scriptwriter. "
Michael Caine
Good
Boy
Sort
" I'm forever testing myself. As a person and as an actor, I have no sense of competition. "
Michael Caine
Person
Myself
Competition
" I'm every bourgeois nightmare - a Cockney with intelligence and a million dollars. "
Michael Caine
Million Dollars
Nightmare
Intelligence
" I did everything. I ran my life exactly as I wanted to, all the time. I never listened to anybody. I'm pig-headed. "
Michael Caine
My Life
Time
Never
" I'll always be there because I'm a skilled professional actor. Whether or not I've any talent is beside the point. "
Michael Caine
Always
Any
Talent
" I've made the transition from star to character actor and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. "
Michael Caine
Actor
Character
Made
" When I look in the mirror, I see someone who's happy with how he looks, because I was never one of the handsome Hollywood people. And I've had success as I've gotten older, because I'm able to play characters. I no longer get the girl, but I get the part. "
Michael Caine
Girl
Happy
Mirror
" In the sixties, everyone you knew became famous. My flatmate was Terence Stamp. My barber was Vidal Sassoon. David Hockney did the menu in a restaurant I went to. I didn't know anyone unknown who didn't become famous. "
Michael Caine
You
Unknown
Restaurant
" Movie acting is about covering the machinery. Stage acting is about exposing the machinery. In cinema, you should think the actor is playing himself, if he's that good. It looks very easy. It should. But it's not, I assure you. "
Michael Caine
Acting
Good
Easy
" I don't worry about the last shot or the next shot. I concentrate. Every shot gets a clean slate. And when a shot is over, I wipe it out absolutely. Tell a joke or something. If you worry about how you looked, how well you did, you'll go insane. "
Michael Caine
Tell
Clean
You
" I was a repertory actor, which meant that I did a play every week. I was a different character every week; for a year, I was doing 40 or 50 characters. "
Michael Caine
Play
Character
Did
" I used to get the girl; now I get the part. In 'The Quiet American' you may have noticed I got the part and the girl. It's a milestone for me, because it's the last time I'm going to get the girl. "
Michael Caine
Time
You
American
" Growing up, there was only classical music on BBC Radio. We had to listen to the American Forces Network in Germany, which played pop songs, or the pirate radio boats off the coast. "
Michael Caine
American
Growing Up
Music
" The first actor I ever saw was The Lone Ranger. I thought, That's what I want to do. "
Michael Caine
Saw
Actor
Thought
" I learned about life before I went into the theater, which is why I've been so happy. I was a soldier. "
Michael Caine
Soldier
Happy
Life
" A lot of movie stars are not great actors; they're just very good-looking. And when they start to age and they don't have the looks any more, then it's over. "
Michael Caine
Start
Stars
Great
" English is clipped in speech. Texas is exactly the opposite. "
Michael Caine
Texas
English
Opposite
" The absent are never without fault. Nor the present without excuse. "
Michael Caine
Present
Nor
Never
" My closest friends are Roger Moore, who is an actor, Sean Connery, who is an actor, Terry O'Neill, who is a photographer, Johnny Gold, who was the boss of Tramp, and Leslie Bricusse, who is a composer. "
Michael Caine
Gold
Friends
Boss
" You can see all sorts of things in film acting if you know where to look and what to look for. One thing I often notice is that the actor is looking for his mark, the place where he has to stand to be in the right place in the shot. "
Michael Caine
Know
You
Place
" The difference between a movie star and a movie actor is this - a movie star will say, 'How can I change the script to suit me?' and a movie actor will say. 'How can I change me to suit the script?' "
Michael Caine
Difference
Will
Change
" I never bring a role home with me. The moment they say, 'It's a wrap,' it's gone completely. I'm a totally ruthless professional, and life is my family, not my work. "
Michael Caine
Home
Me
Life
" I don't do it often, but I do cry. I also laugh a lot; people tell me I'm funny and I do like to laugh. "
Michael Caine
Tell
Me
Cry
" My own mentality is that I've retired. They send me these scripts and if I absolutely have to do it, then I go to work. "
Michael Caine
Send
Me
Own
" To disappear your complete self into a character is quite difficult. I've tried it 85 times, and I've succeeded two or three times. "
Michael Caine
Character
Self
Three
" My wife, my daughters, even my grandchildren are funny. You've got to keep a sense of humor because anger destroys you. "
Michael Caine
Funny
Wife
Humor
" For all my education, accomplishments, and so called 'wisdom'... I can't fathom my own heart. "
Michael Caine
Wisdom
Heart
My Own