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" I'm a study of a man in chaos in search of frenzy. "

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" Schizophrenia beats dining alone. "

" So little time and so little to do. "

" Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. "

" Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I. "

" I don't drink. I don't like it. It makes me feel good. "

" The only difference between the Democrats and the Republicans is that the Democrats allow the poor to be corrupt, too. "

" Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel. "

" Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood and you'll find the real tinsel underneath. "

" There are two sides to every question: my side and the wrong side. "

" I have no trouble with y enemies. But my god damn friends... they are the ones that keep me walking the floors at night. "

" Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character. "

" What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left. "

" I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin. "

" I've given up reading books. I find it takes my mind off myself. "

" I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself. "

" A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it. "

" There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. "

" Once I make up my mind, I'm full of indecision. "

" Once Dwight Eisenhower makes up his mind, he's full of indecision. "

" I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. "

" I am no more humble than my talents require. "

" Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome. "