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" I'm glad I'm a comedian. Otherwise, my life would just be a series of undocumented low points. "

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" I think the problems with comedians that are political, and there are some brilliant ones, are the ones that offer no solutions. Not that there's a moral obligation for a comic to fix things, but I like to see a comic that's upset about something and offer a solution. It can be a funny solution. I like to see the thought process. "

" I like to challenge myself not to be negative, because it's easy to take comedy to a negative place and criticize the outside world. Trying to praise something through comedy or be appreciative and making jokes about it is more challenging than cutting things down. "

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" The exciting part about life is finding out what you can't do, because you don't find out until you try to do something and you're stopped. "

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" I think I told my parents I wanted to be a writer, just so they'd kind of think I had some direction in life. It made it easier to pick out classes at college, like, 'Oh, this is writing classes, that's what I'm doing.' "

" Sometimes your dreams come true, and it's a real drag. "

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" I'm hardly a known name, but I don't want to go, like, 'Oh, people call me a storyteller comedian, let me just go up and just talk about my day.' I don't want that to happen. "

" I am somehow allowed by the universe to do exactly what I want to do to make a living. "

" I try to stay away from calling people nerds or whatever, because I've got my own fetishes and interests. "