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" I'm in a business that invites narcissism, self-involvement, and egos being blown out of proportion. "

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" I was an altar boy, which I loved and am very proud of. It was strict, but also really nice. "

" Colbert makes me crazy: he's so funny. Plus, he seems like an extraordinarily decent dude. "

" There are times when I consciously give the character something physical - a walk, the way he sits, how he talks, or his lack of physicality, which is like a physicality. "

" In the household in which I was raised, the themes were pretty simple. 'Work hard. Don't quit. Be appreciative, be thankful, be grateful, be respectful. Also, never whine, never complain. And always, for crying out loud, keep a sense of humor.' "

" Generally, I move in the direction of art. "

" I read that John Hughes script for 'Mr. Mom,' and I thought, 'This guy is a funny writer.' I went: 'You ought to stick around and direct this thing.' But he didn't; he left, and look what he became. A really legendary comedy director. "

" I find there are a few places where I like to meditate more than in other places. There's a little Catholic church that I go to, and there's another temple I go to - there are certain places where I just feel more comfortable. "

" I don't want dogs that have had the personality trained out of them. It's a partnership. I want to connect. "

" I'll always stand by the first 'Batman'. Even for its imperfections, people will never know how hard that movie was to do. A lot of that still holds up. "

" I went through a lazy period. "

" People, when they talk or write about comedy, they don't really get it. "

" There comes a point in your life when you realize how quickly time goes by, and how quickly it has gone. Then it really speeds up exponentially. With that, I think you start to put a lot of things into context; you start to see how huge the world is, and really, the universe. "

" I'm just shocked and thankful that I've gotten away with everything - experimenting here, trying at this, failing at that, being good in some things, not so good in others. It's kind of amazing that people are still sticking by me. When they come up to me in the street, I just want to write them all cheques. "

" All actors are my brothers and my sisters. It ain't cool to compare or disparage them. It ain't polite. "

" I have a lot of energy, and I move around a lot in my club act. "

" Technology, you know. I'm pretty horrible. I use it, but mostly I like to view it from afar. But I'm still fascinated by it. "

" I'm the seventh child of George and Leona Douglas, and I don't ever remember a time when my father didn't work two jobs. When my mother was going to the grocery, or going to Mass, or trying to take care of seven kids in a run-down farmhouse. "

" I didn't go to church all the time, just 'cause I was an antsy kid. "

" I really believed that Batman had the potential to be one of the coolest guys in cinema. "

" 'Beetlejuice' was a romp, man. 'Beetlejuice' was fun. I've never had so much fun in my life. "

" 'Birdman' is a very risky movie. I knew I wanted to do it just from watching Alejandro's other work. I told a friend, 'I would have done it based on 'Amores Perros' alone.' "

" I played a lot of sports when I was a kid so I get in that ballgame mindset of being really, really respectful, but at same time saying to yourself, 'Don't back down a single inch, hang with these guys if you can.' If they throw it high and tight you have to stand in there, you can't take yourself out of that moment. "

" If you look at what I do, there's no consistency. The consistency is that there is no consistency. I do projects that are good and not so good. "

" I remember my mom threatening me, half-serious: 'You know what? I should take you to Pittsburgh and put you in dance lessons just to keep you occupied.' Well, that brought everything to a screeching halt. 'Jeeze, dance lessons.' In retrospect, it would have been awesome, but then, 'Ugh, dancing - dancing's for sissies.' "

" When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. "

" If I didn't do 'Batman,' 'Birdman' wouldn't have happened. "

" One thing my mother had a nose for was inauthenticity. "

" I really like to hear actors talk about acting, but I don't really like hearing myself talk. "

" I've proven I'm courageous. I'm gutsier than anybody; I've got a better imagination than anybody; I'm essentially more creative than any other actor I know, and I've proven I take risks. I don't think I need to prove anything to myself any more. "

" To say directing was a long-stewing ambition doesn't cover it. If you cut me open, you'd see it. "