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" I'm the worst ad anyone could possibly be for abstaining from anything. "
Matt Roper
Anything
Could
Worst
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" I can't abide small talk. "
Matt Roper
Small Talk
Talk
Small
" I want truth. I'm crying out to hear it. I need it like oxygen. "
Matt Roper
Need
Crying
Hear
" Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' My relatives seem to drop like flies around me. Who's next? Will it be someone I can't stand? "
Matt Roper
Looking
Me
Now
" I once knew a girl who didn't know where anywhere was in the world. Not a clue. I asked her if she knew where Africa was and she answered, 'Is it the orange one on a map?' "
Matt Roper
Girl
Know
Africa
" Milk which is just about to turn is akin to that moment spent on the cusp of failure in a dulled and fettered relationship. "
Matt Roper
Turn
Relationship
Moment
" I have two vintage typewriters. One just about works and the other hasn't a hope in hell, bless it. But they're both beautiful, and they'll stay with me just as long as there's a roof over my head. "
Matt Roper
Hope
Beautiful
Vintage
" We must remember to enjoy ourselves. "
Matt Roper
Must
Ourselves
Remember
" If comedians were truly free of repression, there would not be an inherent need to perform for the love of a roomful of total strangers. "
Matt Roper
Free
Love
Comedians
" Seven thirty in the morning is too early for a man of my standing. "
Matt Roper
Standing
Thirty
Early
" I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' "
Matt Roper
Family
Looking
Army
" I've spent so much of my adult life in relationships that it's actually quite pleasant to be alone at last. I turned thirty-six the other day, which staggers me when I think about it. "
Matt Roper
Think
Day
Me
" I'm a Taurus, you know. A bull. I belong in a field. "
Matt Roper
Know
Bull
You
" Successful writers say you should never work from a desk with a view, and the view I have from this one is a huge distraction. There's a garden bursting with fresh vegetation, and just beyond the high wall at the end of it, I can see the sign of the local pub across the road. Distractions, eh? I'm so easily led. "
Matt Roper
View
You
Successful