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" Instead of assuming that emotional intelligence is always useful, we need to think more carefully about where and when it matters. "

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" When you're good at controlling your own emotions, you can disguise your true feelings. When you know what others are feeling, you can tug at their heartstrings and motivate them to act against their own best interests. "

" The culture of a workplace - an organization's values, norms and practices - has a huge impact on our happiness and success. "

" When takers talk about mistakes, they're usually quick to place the blame on other people. Givers are more likely to say 'Here's the mistake I made; I learned the following from it. Here are the steps I'm taking to make sure I don't let people down in the future.' "

" For years, I believed that anything worth doing was worth doing early. In graduate school, I submitted my dissertation two years in advance. In college, I wrote my papers weeks early and finished my thesis four months before the due date. My roommates joked that I had a productive form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. "

" The most promising ideas begin from novelty and then add familiarity. "

" From a relationship perspective, givers build deeper and broader connections. "

" The mark of higher education isn't the knowledge you accumulate in your head. It's the skills you gain about how to learn. "

" Procrastination gives you time to consider divergent ideas, to think in nonlinear ways, to make unexpected leaps. "

" I have two rules for a great book: make me think and make me smile. "

" The more important argument against grade curves is that they create an atmosphere that's toxic by pitting students against one another. At best, it creates a hypercompetitive culture, and at worst, it sends students the message that the world is a zero-sum game: Your success means my failure. "

" Once people take ownership over the decision to receive feedback, they're less defensive about it. "

" I believe that the most meaningful way to succeed is to help other people succeed. "

" Some people are selfish in all of their relationships. Those people are called sociopaths. "

" When I think about voting, I can skip it and still see myself as a good citizen. But when I think about being a voter, now the choice reflects on my character. It casts a shadow. "

" Being a nice person is about courtesy: you're friendly, polite, agreeable, and accommodating. When people believe they have to be nice in order to give, they fail to set boundaries, rarely say no, and become pushovers, letting others walk all over them. "

" From a motivation perspective, helping others enriches the meaning and purpose of our own lives, showing us that our contributions matter and energizing us to work harder, longer, and smarter. "

" If an organization values innovation, you can assume it's safe to speak up with new ideas, leaders will listen, and your voice matters. "

" Productive givers focus on acting in the long-term best interests of others, even if it's not pleasant. They have the courage to give the critical feedback we prefer not to hear, but truly need to hear. They offer tough love, knowing that we might like them less, but we'll come to trust and respect them more. "

" Bragging about yourself violates norms of modesty and politeness - and if you were really competent, your work would speak for itself. "

" Authenticity means erasing the gap between what you firmly believe inside and what you reveal to the outside world. "

" To get real diversity of thought, you need to find the people who genuinely hold different views and invite them into the conversation. "

" Takers are self-serving in their interactions. It's all about what can you do for me. "

" By admitting your inadequacies, you show that you're self-aware enough to know your areas for improvement - and secure enough to be open about them. "

" If you want to be a generous giver, you have to watch out for selfish takers. "