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" It's filled with... baking soda. Because it really smells. "
" Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them. "
" Hmmm... I never get the answer I think I'm going to get. "
" If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny. "
" I only use my sick days for hang-overs and soap opera weddings. "
" A laugh is a terrible weapon. "
" If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked. "