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" Just as I got older, I think I've become more and more conservative. "

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" Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with. "

" I never ever, ever say anything against my husband to anyone except my husband. Everyone gets in fights, and I think the natural propensity for women is, 'Oh I want to talk to someone.' But the minute you take what bothers you outside the bond between you and your husband, you let someone else into the relationship and that causes a wedge. "

" I like Oprah. I could sit around and make vision boards all day, but I wouldn't actually get anything done if I were to concentrate on my feelings rather than doing. "

" I'm doing a lot more handmade gifts. When I go to a party, I cook whatever it is I need to bring instead of just grabbing a bottle of wine. "

" I'm such a fangirl when it comes to other writers. I read 250 books a year, and I'm always talking up books by other authors. "

" I've always been able to cook Italian food. That's in my blood because I'm half Sicilian. "

" In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated. "

" There's nothing fun about stuff like estate planning, getting mammograms, or talking to a guy about long term disability insurance, but do it anyway. Trust me, the stress of not having done the above is prematurely aging. "

" I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light. "

" The Tao of Jen was very much the Tao of hiding everything that didn't look good. The Tao of Jen is wearing a cocktail dress with underwear with holes in it. The Tao of Jen is all style and no substance. "

" As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative. "

" Here's a bit of Discovery Channel for you - apples don't last forever. They can stay fresh for a long time, especially when refrigerated, but definitely not from December into the month of March. "

" I think people tend to be very myopic and they don't understand how their actions impact others. "

" Beauty pageants, you're only judged once. Sorority rush, you have to go through 20 parties. "

" Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader. "

" You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit. "

" No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken. "

" I learned to speak Italian, somewhat. Definitely enough to get around in Italy. My grandfather always used to swear at my grandmother in Italian. "

" Now with social media, people essentially come into my living room, my virtual living room, and tell me everything that is wrong with me. "

" I believe that I have such a vanilla life. "

" I just thank God my husband and I found each other before the advent of social media. I can't imagine dating someone and seeing what they're doing on their Facebook page. And people breaking up with each other over texts now? We had to break up with each other face to face back then. "

" I'm very detail oriented. I think that's why people enjoy my memoirs - because I tend to remember everything. "

" When you think about a drill sergeant, a drill sergeant expects you to perform your best, and if you don't, they're going to stay on you until you do. "

" I had been terrified of Halloween my entire adult life. Loved it as a kid, but the minute I got out of college, there were little kids at my door demanding candy, which, No. 1, I couldn't afford, and, No. 2, if I had candy, it would be mine. "