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" Most of my friends who got shows right away are still just doing shows, and they have no need to create. "

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" That's the dating world. You just keep losing. Everyone does. "

" I feel like I'd be good at 'Password.' Or 'Pyramid.' "

" Beige curtains... there's nothing wrong with them. You're not like, 'Ew, gross! Beige curtains!' You just don't notice them either way. They're just, like, fine. "

" Recording is just a lengthy process, so to have to record before every professional video, that's where a real time drain comes in. "

" The only autograph I ever got, which I do not have anymore, was Matthew Fox when he was on 'Party Of Five.' I was in high school, and he came to our local amusement park, and I stood in line and got an autograph. "

" It's more fun to write stuff when you know someone's going to nail it. "

" Sometimes I find myself in this super-raw place onstage where I'm like, 'Maybe that's not the best thing. Maybe I need to shut down a little.' "

" If you're trying to be an actor, sometimes you get lucky, and you end up on 'The Office', but if you don't, and you know that you have something to say, it's really, really fortunate to be able to get to write and star in your own comedy. "

" The biggest trap that all performers and writers find is that when something really crazy, really bad happens, your mind immediately goes to, 'Can I write about this?' - which is good and bad. "

" The element of surprise - where you think you know where a joke is going, and then you're wrong. Those are my favorite kind of jokes. "

" I worked at a McDonald's inside a Walmart. It wasn't even a real McDonald's. "

" I might have lost an acquaintance because of 'Pregnant Women Are Smug.' But we weren't close. Actually, I don't know if the woman knows the song is about her. I have a feeling she might. "

" It's great to get to make something in your own voice. "

" It's really hard to name a band. "

" If you believe in what you're doing, you should just do it. You'll keep getting better. "

" I think my parents wanted me to be whatever I wanted to be. But I do remember them - when I first moved out to L.A. - sending me applications to grad school for teaching. "