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" My first real break was when my college sketch troupe, The State, was asked to contribute pieces for a new MTV show called 'You Wrote It, You Watch It.' "
Michael Ian Black
College
New
You
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" I have a good family and I like to be home with them. The older I get, the lazier I get, and the more content I am to sit at home and eat string cheese. "
Michael Ian Black
Family
Home
Cheese
" Let me tell you, the life of a C list celebrity is pretty sweet. If I want to go to an Applebee's, all I have to do is, literally, walk in the door. They seat me as soon as the other people ahead of me are seated. "
Michael Ian Black
Sweet
Me
People
" People recognize me, but they don't know where from. Today I was in the elevator and somebody asked me if I worked for his company. "
Michael Ian Black
People
Today
Where
" Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don't ignore that critic but don't give it more attention than it deserves. "
Michael Ian Black
Ignore
Be Yourself
Attention
" I am not a music snob. If anything, my musical taste is bad by any critical standards. "
Michael Ian Black
Snob
Standards
Taste
" Separation is the worst. There's no good way to deal with it, other than to get on the phone and do Skype and try to visit. "
Michael Ian Black
Separation
Phone
Good
" I take it for what it is, and sometimes the criticism is actually useful and constructive and actually informs what I do, but most of the time, it's sort of mindless, or they're receiving something on a different frequency than I was sending it. "
Michael Ian Black
Sometimes
Time
Different
" I don't watch that much comedy. I think it's professional jealousy. That and a lack of support for my community. "
Michael Ian Black
Think
Jealousy
Community
" Well, I think my stand-up is often kind of visual. Not like Carrot Top visual, but visual. "
Michael Ian Black
Visual
Top
Kind
" The thing that I think is the most important is taking moments to express your appreciation to your partner. A thank you or a quick kiss can go a long way toward affirming your relationship and commitment to each other. That's not hard to do even when you're juggling insane careers and three kids. "
Michael Ian Black
Think
Kiss
Relationship
" Whenever anyone asks me if I'm from a TV show, I say yes - no matter whether I've ever been on it. It just makes the conversation that much easier. "
Michael Ian Black
Say
Me
Show
" If you get an idea, you might as well stick with it until somebody calls you on it. "
Michael Ian Black
Get
Stick
Well
" My absolute favorite growing up was 'Super Friends.' The assemblage of so many mighty heroes in one place was, to me, mind-blowing. It was Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Aquaman, and then sometimes Hawkman and some other, lesser heroes. "
Michael Ian Black
Friends
Me
Woman
" Lordy, lordy, lordy do I love money. It is a character flaw, no doubt, one that springs from a panicked childhood in which I always felt as if our family was only a couple missed child support payments from being tossed onto the pitiless streets of our suburban New Jersey town. "
Michael Ian Black
Love
Child
Character
" I honestly believe you can never tell if a relationship is going to last. In my own marriage, which is going on 14 years, I don't think of it as 'I'm going to be with this person forever.' Instead, I think of more like, 'I'll probably be with this person for the next six weeks. Then I'll re-evaluate.' "
Michael Ian Black
Believe
Think
Relationship
" I am a poker player, but I am not a good poker player. My favorite game is seven card stud, but I'll play hi/lo, Hold 'em, Razz, etc. "
Michael Ian Black
I Am
Poker
Good
" All the work that I do, whether or not it ends up being commercially successful or not, feels like the most important thing to me while I'm doing it. I try to take something away from every project, and so they all feel like milestones for one reason or another. "
Michael Ian Black
Me
Work
Important
" I definitely script things out. I definitely write things down and try to write jokes. Often, they're terrible. I often write terrible, terrible jokes. "
Michael Ian Black
Try
Down
Jokes
" I actually don't know anyone who wants to be famous for fame's sake, at least not anyone I respect. But you need to have a certain amount of power in order to be able to do what you want. "
Michael Ian Black
Know
Famous
Need
" At this point, I feel fairly comfortable in terms of performance. I think having a sketch background actually helps a lot. Because my background is acting, and stand-up, in a lot of ways, is acting. "
Michael Ian Black
Acting
Feel
Performance
" I feel like my career has been a series of glowing obituaries. "
Michael Ian Black
Career
I Feel Like
Like
" There's this misconception that comedy and music go together. They don't. Comedians can't compete with rock stars; they're just not on the same level. Rock stars will always be cooler. They will always get more girls. "
Michael Ian Black
Together
Music
Rock
" I loved 'Dungeons & Dragons.' Actually, not so much the actual playing as the creation of characters and the opportunity to roll twenty-sided dice. I loved those pouches of dice Dungeon Masters would trundle around, loved choosing what I was going to be: warrior, wizard, dwarf, thief. "
Michael Ian Black
Warrior
Opportunity
Loved
" There is no word for feeling nostalgic about the future, but that's what a parent's tears often are, a nostalgia for something that has not yet occurred. They are the pain of hope, the helplessness of hope, and finally, the surrender to hope. "
Michael Ian Black
Future
Word
Tears
" Nothing is more satisfying to me than sitting in a dank room, hunched over a single flickering candle like Ebenezer Scrooge, and watching my ledgers fill themselves with ink. "
Michael Ian Black
Candle
Me
Nothing
" Everybody has something they love to do. Do that thing. "
Michael Ian Black
Something
Everybody
Love
" Corporations do a lot of things well, but not run nations, for obvious reasons. "
Michael Ian Black
Run
Things
Well
" My tastes in all things lean towards the arty and boring. I like sports documentaries about Scrabble players, bands that play quiet, unassuming music, and TV shows that win awards. In that way, I am an elitist snob. "
Michael Ian Black
Music
I Am
Play
" I don't think I was awake for much of my childhood. I did a lot of napping. This might have been a defensive measure against encroaching depression. Until about the age of eleven or twelve, I had zero interests other than trying to steal gumballs from supermarket gumball machines. "
Michael Ian Black
Think
Depression
Childhood
" Wish I could, through my own financial prestidigitation, transform a dollar bill into two, or two million. It is an awesome and mysterious skill. "
Michael Ian Black
Financial
Awesome
Skill