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" People have said that to me: They say I have a TV face. "
Kurt Braunohler
Say
They Say
Me
Related Quotes:
" In my new IFC comedy game show, 'Bunk,' we actually use our intern Patrick as a human timer - giving contestants the time it takes for him to wade through a bag of broken glass for a razor blade, to get gum out of his hair, to pick up every strand from a box of spaghetti I spill on the floor, etc, etc. "
Kurt Braunohler
Comedy
Broken
Time
" I was writing this really long joke about the smell of poop, and I was like, 'What am I doing with my life?' I started to think about why I was a comedian, and then I came up with a reason for existence, which is: inserting absurdity or stupidity into strangers' lives in order to make the world a better place. "
Kurt Braunohler
Writing
Think
Stupidity
" In doing my podcast, I do find that I tend to try out bits that I then try on stage later that day. If they work, great, and if they don't, I regret having talked about it on the podcast. "
Kurt Braunohler
Day
Find
Doing
" I would love to be more specific, but really, any type of bird is the funniest animal. They have to move awkwardly when walking. They have beady eyes; they are very suspicious. They can't do anything right. They have no hands, which is inherently funny. "
Kurt Braunohler
Eyes
Bird
Funny
" It's amazing how much people talk about colonics here. That's not a thing anywhere else in the country. But I totally did a juice cleanse, I did a colonic - I'm getting into L.A. living! "
Kurt Braunohler
People
Country
Juice
" You don't become a fully-formed human as a female, or even a male, until you're at least 30. "
Kurt Braunohler
Even
You
Until
" Auditions are just torture. I'm trying to get better at it. It's a very difficult thing to do. You go into a tiny room with a camera with somebody who is doing this with 100 other people, and they're so bored, and then you have to be like, 'Hey! I'm gonna show you what I got!' "
Kurt Braunohler
Doing
Camera
You
" For people who mourn for old Times Square - hey, there's a ton of places in the city still like that! Get on the train and go visit them! "
Kurt Braunohler
Train
City
Old
" It is an intern's job to go for coffee for anyone who asks, preferably delivering it scalding hot and cupped in your bare hands! "
Kurt Braunohler
Coffee
Job
Intern
" I go on Wikipedia and alter pages of animals with fake facts that I've made up about those animals. "
Kurt Braunohler
Fake
Animals
Up
" Other than Caroline's in New York, I pretty much haven't done clubs. That was primarily because I always liked the people and audiences at theaters and bars better. "
Kurt Braunohler
Always
People
New York
" We are going to do 'Hot Tub' until we die. Every Monday. Then we'll come back and do it as zombies. 'Hot Tub' is very important. What we do is based on our live skills. It's stand-up and sketch and improv; everything we do in 'Hot Tub' is important to our jobs. And every Monday I'm excited to do it. "
Kurt Braunohler
Live
Important
Die
" It used to be if you wanted to be a comedian, you used to just do sets. You'd go up three times a night, just get better, and then some people would see you and you'd do 'The Tonight Show,' and then boom, you're a comedian. "
Kurt Braunohler
See
Better
You
" All the great game show hosts have a signature 'look,' from Bob Barker's year-round Brazil Nut-hued tan to Monty Hall's oversized lamb chop sideburns. As the host of IFC's new comedy game show 'Bunk,' I, too, have worked to develop a style signature by being the first man or woman in TV history to host every show in my bare feet! "
Kurt Braunohler
Man
Woman
Style
" New York is a place that can grind you down and spit you out. A true New Yorker doesn't get ground down - he gets polished. "
Kurt Braunohler
You
New York
Grind
" Everyone wants something that'll appeal to, like, 13-year-olds to 18-year-olds. Especially working in television and trying to pitch shows, they're like, 'We definitely want something that a 14-year-old will be, like, super-psyched about.' And I'm like, 'I don't know if my reality is appealing to a 14-year-old.' "
Kurt Braunohler
Television
Reality
Know
" There's this secret Korean taco/cupcake truck I go to. To find it, you have to bring a hard-boiled egg to this deli in Bushwick where they give you the address. "
Kurt Braunohler
Truck
Bring
Egg
" My parents got divorced when I was 2, so I have this weird thing where I have 8 brothers and sisters, but I am also an only child. "
Kurt Braunohler
Only
I Am
Child
" I pushed against doing a podcast for so long. I'm a very late comer to the podcast game. But you're responsibility as a comedian is to get your viewpoints out into the world, and we have a lot more avenues to do that. So it's a lot more opportunity, but really have to work all the time. "
Kurt Braunohler
Work
Time
Responsibility
" For a long time, I would go out of my way to have a personal appearance on the verge of an insane person, because it was closer to how I felt, but I looked so dumb. So, I just stopped. It was like, 'I'm just going to look like a banker.' "
Kurt Braunohler
Time
Long
Dumb
" I think we get stuck in routines so easily that when an absurd moment in life seems to be there for no reason, it wakes you up out of your everyday pattern. You pull back and look at life a little bit wider because of that one weird thing you weren't expecting. "
Kurt Braunohler
Look
Think
Weird
" It is true that I do not wear shoes as the host of 'Bunk.' I want 'Bunk' to feel like there's a slight possibility that a confident homeless man just wondered into the studio and started hosting a game show. "
Kurt Braunohler
Feel
Homeless
Shoes
" 'Bunk' is better than 'Wheel of Fortune' because we have a wheel, just like them, but our wheel is purposeless. It doesn't do anything. It just spins for no reason. Which is nice because it frees our wheel up to really pursue its dream: becoming a professional paddlewheel. "
Kurt Braunohler
Wheel
Nice
Dream
" Anyone can become a game show host. It simply requires a giant, narcissistic ego and an inability to do anything else. The closest thing to school I did was looking in the mirror one hundred times a day and repeating, 'People should listen to you talk.' "
Kurt Braunohler
Looking
School
Day
" Who would want to get back together with Taylor Swift after having dated her? I'm sure dating her is like talking to a white sheet of paper with a little bit of vanilla ice cream on it that doesn't say anything. "
Kurt Braunohler
Talking
Together
Ice Cream
" The feeling of being an outsider was a big part of my childhood. I think that helps comedians. That feeling of being an outsider. That desire for a perspective that's all your own. The idea for me to make stuff myself with my own meaning came from that as well. "
Kurt Braunohler
Think
Childhood
Myself
" I grew up very Catholic. I wanted to be a priest. "
Kurt Braunohler
Wanted
Catholic
Very
" There are a billion songs that I've heard and said, 'I don't even care to have an opinion about it,' but if I have to hear a snippet of the refrain of 'We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together' once, it'll get stuck in my head, and that drives me crazy. "
Kurt Braunohler
Together
Care
Crazy
" The entire New York comedy scene has moved to L.A. - it's bled the New York comedy scene dry. "
Kurt Braunohler
New
Comedy
Dry
" For a really long time in my life, I fought against how I look. Because I was raised Catholic in school, where everyone had to wear a suit and tie. I hated everything that stood for. And I realized when I walked down the street, everyone would see the guy I hated and not the guy I was. "
Kurt Braunohler
My Life
School
Time