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" Sarcasm doesn't read sarcastic in print. "

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" In the U.K., there's absolutely no money for television. So you can do pretty much whatever you want. They're not losing money on any of the shows, so they'll give you a lot of creative freedom. In the United States, there are millions and millions of dollars at stake, so they need a sure formula. "

" I used to go to open mics in New York when I was starting out, and it was mostly just people who wanted an audience to look at them for eight minutes on a stage. "

" I think I've always had a disconnect from what I'm supposed to be like. "

" The more women sit down and write something in a woman's voice for a woman, they more you'll see women in comedy because gender doesn't define sense of humor. Imagination and intelligence and perspective do. "

" My sensibilities are like, 'I want it to be weirder.' "

" I loved 'Burning Love,' and I really do love almost everything Paul Scheer touches. "

" I would be an actress for the rest of my life just because it's really relaxing. Writing is hard work, and stand-up is so stressful before you get on stage, but acting is a complete ensemble experience. "

" I don't enjoy reality television at all. I have to say that I get it, though. I watch some of it, and I understand why people enjoy it. "

" My parents are pretty religious, devout, but did they force it on me? No, I don't think so. I still think of myself as a Lutheran, just one who doesn't go to church. "

" In high school, I was doing a skit for forensics and people started laughing, more than I was prepared to deal with. It was a surprise. "

" I never really saw myself as a standup comedian. I always just thought of myself as someone who used the eight minutes or 10 minutes she was allotted and had a blast. "

" I think growing up on a farm in a certain amount of isolation, with not a lot of friends nearby, makes you entertain yourself and kind of grows your imagination - being alone is quite good for all that. You make up stories, talk to the animals, let them be an audience, a bunch of cows. "

" I'm not really a control person, and I'm a big believer in collaboration. I like to have a friend. "

" I love the idea that I have the power to look for the projects I can put myself into, but I'm still at that level of just being happy to have a job. "

" I definitely do weird things every show. "

" My style can't be held within a pixel medium. Like, it needs to be performed in a living, breathing space. People need to have all their senses ready to take on my comedy, and unfortunately, TV alienates at least their sense of touch, taste, smell. "

" I probably shouldn't say this about all animals, but at least the farm animals that I've hung out with, and even when I go to the zoo usually, they're like a blank slate. I guess that's why I like them. They're puppets, and you can imagine them being anything you want. "

" Bad improv happens with people who are inexperienced with each other and don't know the craft that well. But bad stand-up is something that could happen to someone at any level in their career. "

" I would love for people to know that the label 'feminist' is something that everyone should wear proudly, because it just means that you support women. "

" I would like to be known as someone who was really sweet but also knowledgeable in all areas of life. "

" I thought I would either be an epidemiologist or a 'Price Is Right' model. "

" Sometimes I try to sell shows with a female lead to networks, and that isn't something that's been a proven formula for them, so they reject it. I do feel like men get the funniest roles in movies. "

" I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can. 'Flight Of The Conchords' was so wonderful because I had a family for two years. "

" I've been lucky. The projects I've gotten to work on are projects I'd want to watch myself. That's what I try to shoot for. "

" Most of the people I know in comedy are not weird or messed up. "

" You go from nobody looking at you to people taking second looks. I remember really loving it - and then feeling so guilty for loving it. Like, 'That's gross, Kristen.' Also, telling myself it could go away at any moment, and I'd be so sad. "

" No one knows who the real me is, so I can be a hundred different kinds of me. "

" I definitely had a Paul Rudd crush. He's great. "

" I think it's great training for any comedian to start on cows. Because with cows, you expect them to be bored and just stare at you blankly. And that's exactly what you'll get at a comedy club. If you can toughen up with a cow audience, then you'll never be worried with a human audience. "

" It's not hard to be a woman in comedy as long as you're also a writer. You have to create your opportunity. "