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" That loyal retainer of the Chase Manhattan Bank, the American president. "

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" Policemen are seldom tried for their crimes, or indeed, held responsible for what they do, which disturbs the peace and causes distress among the orderly. "

" I'm not a conspiracy theorist - I'm a conspiracy analyst. "

" The United States was founded by the brightest people in the country - and we haven't seen them since. "

" It is essential to naturalist doctrine that literature, to be good, must, finally, be the author's experience worked out literally. "

" Americans are future-minded to the point of obsession. We are impatient at living in the present. Tomorrow is bound to be better... next year, next century, always what might be rather than what is. This trait in us makes for 'progress;' it also makes for a continuing dissatisfaction. "

" The United States is a madhouse. "

" Certainly 'The Judgment of Paris' was the novel in which I found my own voice. "

" It's always best to stay out of other people's divorces. And their civil wars. "

" I began life as an absolute monarchist - on condition, of course, that I be that monarch. "

" I didn't mean to spend my life writing American history, which should have been taught in the schools, but I saw no alternative but to taking it on myself. I could think of a lot of cheerier things I'd rather be doing than analyzing George Washington and Aaron Burr. But it came to pass, that was my job, so I did it. "

" One is sorry one could not have taken both branches of the road. But we were not allotted multiple selves. "

" Television is now so desperately hungry for material that they're scraping the top of the barrel. "

" I hate nobody. "

" Jews, blacks and homosexuals are despised by the Christian and Communist majorities of East and West. Also, as a result of the invention of Israel, Jews can now count on the hatred of the Islamic world. "

" Love is not my bag. "

" The greatest pleasure when I started making money was not buying cars or yachts but finding myself able to have as many freshly typed drafts as possible. "

" There is a terrible garrulousness in most American writing, legacy of the old Frontier. "

" Because there is no cosmic point to the life that each of us perceives on this distant bit of dust at the galaxy's edge... there is all the more reason for us to maintain in proper balance what we have here. Because there is nothing else. No thing. This is it. And quite enough, all in all. "

" Between fourteen and nineteen, I must have begun and abandoned six novels. "

" Democracy is supposed to give you the feeling of choice, like Painkiller X and Painkiller Y. But they're both just aspirin. "

" The American high school graduate is two years behind his English, French or German counterpart; in Alabama, God knows how far behind. "

" Every country should have at least one King Farouk. "

" I am not, at heart, a playwright. "

" My family is Southern. I'm used to Bill Clintons. "

" Friends, there is no Left in American politics. "

" Write something, even if it's just a suicide note. "

" When I say 'president,' I still mean Roosevelt - wisely, I think. "

" To a man, ornithologists are tall, slender, and bearded so that they can stand motionless for hours, imitating kindly trees, as they watch for birds. "

" The media can't get anything straight. "