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" The English contribution to world cuisine - the chip. "

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" Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited. "

" If I can get you to laugh with me, you like me better, which makes you more open to my ideas. And if I can persuade you to laugh at the particular point I make, by laughing at it you acknowledge its truth. "

" In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both. "

" I can never do better than Fawlty Towers whatever I do. Now I very much want to teach young talent some rules of the game. "

" But then acting is all about faking. We're all very good at faking things that we have no competence with. "

" I'm not saying Obama is right on everything. Of course not. He may be wrong on a number of things. But what I do know is that he behaves like a very, very sane man almost all the time. "

" I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit. "

" Now most people do not want an ordinary life in which they do a job well, earn the respect of their collaborators and competitors, bring up a family and have friends. That's not enough any more, and I think that is absolutely tragic - and I'm not exaggerating - that people feel like a decent, ordinary, fun life is no longer enough. "

" You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change. "

" Some actors, I think, want to feel that they are as creative as the writer. And the answer is, frankly, they're not. "

" Well, the only way I can get a leading-man role is if I write it. "

" I can't tell you how scary it can be walking onto a movie and suddenly joining this family, it's like going to somebody else's Christmas dinner, everyone knows everyone, and you're there and you're not quite sure what you're supposed to be doing. "

" A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people. "

" The most creative people have this childlike facility to play. "

" He who laughs most, learns best. "

" I was always a sports nut but I've lost interest now in whether one bunch of mercenaries in north London is going to beat another bunch of mercenaries from west London. "

" The thrill I got discovering Buster Keaton when I was growing up was so exciting. He was one of the greats. "

" I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive. "

" I have several times made a poor choice by avoiding a necessary confrontation. "

" I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me. "

" A man will give up almost anything except his suffering. "

" If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat? "

" If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking 'Do you want fries with that?' "

" I would say that I began with a very edgy, very driven personality and after a sufficient amount of therapy over many, many years, I managed to become rather relaxed and happy. "