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" The girls I dated liked or disliked me, whether I weighed 140 or 150; and six-pack abs had no relevance on their love or repulsion. "

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" Youthful impatience obscures the endless potential for joy that's standing right in front of you. "

" Thanks to an immersive lifestyle that involves Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, we've created a psychological three-sided mirror for our social impact on others. "

" A troll's life is a no-physical-contact existence. You will die alone, as you die daily, online. "

" Sully's' upbeat message is that we still need humans. It was the heroically human Sully who saved those people, not some cold equation written on a chalkboard. "

" President Obama's farewell speech soared, towered, dragged. True, it was longer than Reagan's, Clinton's and GWB's speeches combined. If it got any longer, it would have qualified as a third term. "

" The federal government is enormous; it never shrinks. And the interest is killing us. "

" I've done two shows every day for years, but I don't think I could work on just one show a week. I would go crazy, and I would drive everybody nuts. I've got to feel like I'm under pressure. "

" How odd that the proponents of free expression think 'free' only applies to them. "

" If Obama was a sonnet, Trump is a limerick. And really, which ones do you enjoy more? "

" The joy of hate reflects people who get off pretending to hate something, or hate you, in order to score political points. I call them the 'tolerati' - you know, a group of people who claim to be tolerant, except when they run into someone who disagrees with them. "

" Getting mad only leads to madness. "

" 2017 may have been that year when identity politics hit a brick wall - and slumped limply on the pavement. "

" Normally, 'Saturday Night Live' is about as entertaining as an ocular migraine. "

" Generally, I don't bother trying to keep up with prolific bands - but Thee Oh Sees demand it. "

" It's not misogynistic to criticize a legendary female pop singer; it's misogynistic to think a legendary female pop singer can't handle it. "

" I spent my teens in northern California listening to KALX, KUSF, and KFJC, finding people that changed my life. "

" Obama's tenure had more dirty linen then Charlie Sheen's hamper. "

" Language turned apes like us into civil creatures. "

" It's pointless to get all huffy about stuff. "

" The people who whine about Fox News are hypocrites - they say they're totally tolerant, but when they run into someone who doesn't share their assumptions, they say, 'Fox News is evil, and it must be stopped.' "

" As a New Yorker, this is what you do: you confront, jab, and slap, sometimes wrongly, then smile and forget about it. "

" Actors seem brave and unpredictable, but they're spontaneous as a tax return. "

" FNM didn't really become one of my favorite all-time bands until after I'd had all their records for a couple of years. And realized I was playing them every day. "

" Trump has manufactured the first-ever Celebrity Immunity Bubble - rendering him incapable of offense, no matter whom he offends. It's brilliant. "

" The frothing Trump-haters' extremism turns whatever criticism they have for the guy into mere parody. "

" Trump says what he thinks at that moment. He's a totem pole of transparency. "

" Now that President Trump is a reality, I happily have been giving him a chance to see how he does. "

" Most Americans don't shout their politics, much less blast it from their TVs while serving you fried pickles - that's the Left. "

" Islamists are nothing but guided missiles that pride themselves on taking out as many infidels as possible. "

" Trump represented a movement of dissatisfaction, the dissent, unhappiness, division cultivated by years of identity politics and the bullying of arrogant, insufferable, intolerant social justice warriors who used the last two terms to punish anyone who reminded them of Daddy. "