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" The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing. "

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" Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred 'Chuckles' Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence. "

" I suppose I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television. "