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" The regressive Left ranks minority groups in a pecking order to compete in a kind of 'Oppression Olympics.' Gold medal goes to the most offended. "

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" I think virtually everyone wants to do good and be good and be decent to each other and pursue something that is valuable to them and meaningful. "

" Sometimes inaction is worse than action. "

" I remember thinking Democrats and liberals were the good guys. They cared about the little guy. They cared about poor people. They cared about minorities. "

" I believe the regressive Left - the group of people who use illiberal tactics to silence those defending liberal principles - to be the Left's version of the Tea Party. "

" I'm a classical liberal. A free thinker. "

" My policy with interviewing is I'm not there to teach the people I'm across from a lesson. "

" The one and only thing that every comic agrees on is that you do not steal jokes. "

" Sadly, the Left is no longer liberal at all, for it has traded in individualism for collectivism, thus placing us into an oppression Olympics where victimhood is a virtue. This post-modernism - this cultural Marxism or whatever you want to call it - can only destroy; it cannot create. "

" Those who only tolerate people they agree with or like aren't actually tolerant. "

" The terms 'progressive' and 'liberal' have virtually nothing to do with each other anymore. And if you are a classical liberal, you certainly aren't a leftist. "

" I firmly believe in individual liberty more than anything else. And that you have to live the life you want for yourself. "

" Even though standup seems like one-way conversation, if you're doing it right, it's actually a two-way discussion between the comic and the audience... the audience just happens to be communicating through laughter. "

" I think the media has portrayed conservatives as these cold, heartless people who want poor people to die and let half the population starve and all this. They've done that so effectively because they've owned the narrative for so long. "

" Seriously, we all need to get over being offended every time someone says something you don't agree with. Guess what? That's life. And I'd rather have that life any day than only hear from people who agree with me. "

" One criticism that I hear occassionally is that I am actually not a real liberal, and I am secretly a conservative. Or sometimes they will say I am the only thing worse than a conservative - a dreaded 'right-winger.' "

" Everyone that we disagree with is a racist and a homophobe and Islamophobe and a bigot. It's just silly. It's lazy thinking, and I think it gets us nowhere. "

" If you took one of these One Direction kids, because they basically are kids, my guess is one of them is gay. "

" Instead of silencing speakers on campus, perhaps do what you're supposed to in college instead: listen to someone who thinks differently than you do. "

" I think for me, as a gay person, I can convince a lot more people to be for gay marriage by not screaming at them and berating them and embarrassing them and belittling them, but by showing them that we're all exactly the same. "

" Somehow, defending my liberal values of free speech, liberty, and rights of the individual has become a conservative position. "

" I would rather stand for what I believe in than bow down and be loved. "

" It really is this: you are either for liberty, you're for freedom, and you're for living how you want to live without infringing and impugning on anyone else's rights, or you want the state to deal with everything. "

" I'm not a huge parade guy myself. "

" You are the one who makes the choices that control your fate. "

" Whatever differences we have, tolerating others' opinions is a prerequisite to a functioning and free society. "

" I got into politics when I was 12, back when George H. W. Bush was running against Michael Dukakis. We did a mock election in my social studies class, and I remember how so much of what was thought of as liberal made sense to me. "

" The whole point of real comedy is that you can say something that is true, and by being funny, you can make it tolerable for people, and hopefully they'll laugh at you, too. "

" I'm a married gay man, so you might think that I appreciate the government forcing a Christian baker or photographer or florist to act against their religion in order to cater, photograph, or decorate my wedding. But you'd be wrong. A government that can force Christians to violate their conscience can force me to violate mine. "

" I liked Rebecca Black's 'Friday.' "

" It's not about whether we should have a conservative or a liberal. It's about, do we have someone that has the mental acumen to understand what the laws are, and not write laws but defend the laws. That's the whole purpose of three branches of government. "