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" The whole point of comedy, what's fun, is taking the stupid thought I had and working it into something that makes a bunch of people laugh. "

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" It's weird writing for a documentary because I have all these ideas for what I want to happen, but what actually happens is obviously completely different. "

" The goal is doing stand-up on TV somewhere, which is what I'm working on. Something on latenight or Comedy Central, but - I dunno, something. It could happen, it could not happen. "

" I hated 'Avatar' from the jump. And I like James Cameron. I'm not opposed to James Cameron. "

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" I felt like I couldn't meet a single rich person. Regardless of where I live, they don't want to talk to me. I threw a barbecue and invited the whole neighborhood, and nobody showed up. "

" If you like looking at 'Starry Night' or water lilies or whatever, then why does it matter if it's an original? If the artist is still alive, and you want to support them, I get it. But if you want some famous dead guy's work, that's just a way for rich people to show off. It's the upper-class version of driving a giant Hummer. "

" The flat-out worst movie I've ever seen has to be Uwe Boll's 'Rampage.' "

" I definitely have friends who gave me a tag for a joke I already had. Like, 'Here's another line.' A tag is, 'Oooooh, it's an industry term.' It's like, there's the punchline, and a tag is like a secondary punchline. "

" If you have any sense, if you're any good at comedy, you come to Austin. "

" I don't know a single person that's like, ''Avatar' is my favorite movie.' It never even comes up. I don't know anyone that will defend that movie. "

" Put me on the Food Network - I'll be the funniest guy talking about food. I don't care. "

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" The holy grail for me is just stand-up - It's always been that. If I can just tour and headline in stand-up, that's the dream. But I'll do anything that looks like fun, y'know? "