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" Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds. "

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" I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating. "

" Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies. "

" I was bored at college, so I put $10 in a jukebox in this place where people played ping-pong and pool. I put in $10 of 'Jingle Bell Rock,' and this was back in the '90s, so it played 'Jingle Bell Rock,' like, 40 times in a row. It was just really fun to watch because after the fourth time, people were just losing-their-minds angry. "

" I think comedians start off as pranksters or something. "

" I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies. "

" I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have. "

" A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see. "

" My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John. "