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" You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch comedy, you know right away and you can make your changes accordingly. "

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" I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke - and as I say this, I'm sure I do it - completely at someone else's expense. "

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" I'm not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they're really cute obviously. They are both wild and domestic at the same time. "

" Cats aren't cooperative in the same way that other animals are. You can train a dog to act, but you can't train a cat in the same way. "

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" I think narcissists are endlessly watchable. The way they view the world and the way they interact within the world. "

" Love is such a confusing word. You think I'm joking but I'm not. "

" For me, Twitter works best as a way of taking pictures of being stuck in traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. If people really want to read really funny quips about life, parenting, and pop culture, then by all means read Michael Ian Black's tweets. "

" I am a big proponent of writing a great outline. That way you can avoid hitting a roadblock. There is no worse feeling than writing yourself into a corner but if you've figured it all out in the outline then you won't have that problem. "

" I've always balked at anything that feels like a clique, even if it's not always in my best interest to do so. I like each individual, fedora-wearing hipster - it's just the greater gestalt that rubs me the wrong way. "

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" I tend to a lot of improvisational ranting, and that's fun. For me, stand-up has been, performance-wise, a really good outlet. "

" In real life, comedians aren't funny. "

" I went to college thinking of maybe pursuing a career in film criticism. "

" A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can't help it. "

" Many fans don't have the leisure time to track my every word. They're too busy brainstorming solutions to the economic crisis and winning Pulitzers. "

" Given the current state of publishing, I think it helps to have a brand name on the cover of your book. Comedians are proven commodities with built-in audiences. They may not have the writing chops of a Dave Eggers, but they're salacious and funny and self-reflective. "

" There are comedians that I like. I think a lot of it, you just figure out on your own. It's definitely one of those things that you get good at by doing it a lot. But I like Jim Gaffigan. Patton Oswalt. Janeane Garofalo. "

" I knew that if I was going to write a book, I was going to have to read one, too. "

" I mean, do you really think Paul Krugman is checking his Twitter account every day to read what I write? Of course not. Every other day maybe, but not every day. "