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All Quotes by author - Allan Carr
" A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere. "
Blame
Bad
Everything
" I didn't really want to be a comedian. "
Really
Want
Comedian
" I'd love to do acting, but it'd definitely have to be comedy. I can't do serious. It's completely beyond me. "
Me
Serious
Love
" If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial. "
Performance
Wrong
You
" I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish. "
I Think
Think
Rubbish
" I haven't really got much get up and go. I can't believe I'm on the telly. I'm so lazy. "
Much
Go
Lazy
" I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh. "
Me
People
Old People
" I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration. "
Just
Ball
Frustration
" I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself. "
Celebrity
Meeting
Still
" I think over there in Montreal they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them. "
I Think
Old
Bit
" It's Charley's Aunt and The Odd Couple rolled into one. "
Charley
Odd
Aunt
" I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people. "
Nicole
Met
Loads
" I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl. "
College
Good
Doing
" I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved. "
Like
Hate
Anything
" I went to Montreal. My first gig went very badly. They just weren't laughing at anything. I found out they were a load of Christians, and it was a gig to raise money for a new church roof. "
Money
Just
New
" We had our first meeting yesterday, and we just laughed all the way through, so if we can bottle that, then I'll be happy. We just get on, and that's half the battle. "
Way
Be Happy
Battle
" You should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman... I was so excited about meeting him, but he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old, he wanted to go home. "
Never
Meeting
You
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