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All Quotes by author - Chelsea Handler
" Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them. "
Hard
Weird
Eyes
" Even my Mormon sister checks my rankings on Amazon.com. "
Sister
Mormon
Even
" Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift. "
Pretend
Permanent
Move
" I don't think I'm a good host. I'm not a good host. I'm terrible at hosting. That's my problem. "
Terrible
Problem
Hosting
" If you're really looking to hurt somebody's feelings, just break up with them. "
Looking
Break
Feelings
" I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out. "
Marriage
Personality
Strong
" I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me. "
Me
Person
Try
" I'm a late-night host that doesn't want to be tied down by time or television or even hosting. "
Down
Television
Want
" I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows. "
News
Politics
Watching
" I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter. "
Because
Other
People
" I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me. "
Myself
Ugly
Woman
" I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times. "
End
Saying
Sister
" I started my own business because my parents had no dowry for me, and I was worried. I ran it from their Martha Vineyard's summer house. I baby-sat for a 14-year-old boy all summer and was giving him time-outs, even though I was two years younger than him. "
Business
Summer
Parents
" I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility. "
Huge
Pregnancy
Think
" I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them. "
Cheat
Them
Try
" It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself. "
Time
Dream
Myself
" It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes. "
Now
Life
Play
" I've always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. I'd be with the cool girls, then the uncool girls. I migrated from group to group because I was bored or people got bored with me. I was very intense. "
Cool
Personality
People
" I was tortured, and probably half of it was deserved, but I was bullied - so much so that there were days when I was like, 'I can't go to school today.' I was too scared. "
Go
Today
School
" People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50. "
Women
World
Think
" Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute! "
Some People
People
Cute
" The love that comes from friendship is the underlying facet of a happy life. "
Life
Friendship
Facet
" We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious? "
Serious
You
Behavior
" We women have to stick together. "
Women
Stick
Together
" You can't fast-forward heartbreak, and you can't rewind love - and that's just one big bummer. "
Big
You
Love
" You can't have friendships that aren't based on realness. "
Friendships
Realness
You
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