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All Quotes by author - Jimmy Carr
" After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead. "
Wisdom
Back
Hotel
" A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. "
True
Jokes
Sound
" I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you - I am trying to make you laugh. "
Release
You
Trying
" I don't see myself as offending people. "
People
See
Myself
" I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way. "
Life
Faith
Funny
" If I'm at home for the weekend - and that is almost never - I tend to get twitchy at about eight o'clock in the evening because my body clock is timed to go on stage. I don't know what to do with myself. "
Know
Myself
Weekend
" I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh. "
Laugh
Snake
Simple
" I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically. "
People
Like
Better
" I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have. "
Think
Time
Thoughts
" It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group. "
People
More
Great
" It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing. "
Love
Action
Laugh
" I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26. "
Marriage
Christian
Sex
" I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one. "
Love
Before
Woman
" I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker. "
Said
School
She
" Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee. "
Coffee
Weekend
World
" More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before. "
Before
People
Out
" Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service. "
Breakfast
Hotel
Luxury
" The bigger the audience, the better with comedy. "
Comedy
Better
Audience
" The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet. "
Your
You
Just
" There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. "
About
Things
Joke
" The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job. "
Tragedy
You
Personality
" They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna. "
Say
Go
They Say
" Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence. "
Confidence
Older
Women
" Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh. "
Yes
Crazy
Laugh
" You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that. "
World
You
Disability
" You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face. "
You
Grumpy
Face
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