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All Quotes by author - Roz Chast

" Being female was just one more way I felt different and weird. I was also a young 'un, and also my cartoons were not like typical 'New Yorker' cartoons. "

" Childhood - that was not my favorite time in my life. "

" Did you know that you can live on Ensure for a year? A person can live for a really long time just lying in bed and drinking Ensure - way longer than you think. "

" Even if you don't have any dishes, you need a celery dish. "

" For me, drawing was an outlet. No one in school said, 'Oh, she can do sports,' or, 'She's pretty,' but I could draw. "

" Grime is not like messiness or some fingerprints on a cabinet; it takes a long time to accumulate. "

" I always imagined my little cartoons on plates for some reason. "

" I cannot stand superheroes. I do not understand any of its appeal. It has just bored me to death since I was a little kid. "

" I can't even look at daily comic strips. And I hate sitcoms because they don't seem like real people to me: they're props that often say horrible things to each other, which I don't find funny. I have to feel like they're real people. "

" I don't like anything that looks gelatinous - really weirds me out. But when I was a kid, I used to get very, very upset if anything had a kind of chalky texture; like, certain kinds of cottage cheese I know have a weird chalkiness. "

" I don't like cartoons that take place in Nowhereville. I like cartoons where I know where they're happening. "

" I don't like going into the basement. I'm always afraid that something's going to blow up. "

" I don't like holidays. And I don't like crowds of people. I don't like noise. "

" I don't put myself through that nauseating experience of looking at someone's face while they go through your stuff. Ugh! It's just horrible! It gives me the cringes to even think about it. "

" I don't think any of my kids' books talk down to kids. "

" I had to get good grades and do well in school - my mother was an assistant principal and my father was a teacher - and they took this very seriously. "

" I have an African gray parrot; her name is Eli. We thought she was a boy. And a blue-streaked lory named Marco. He's 10. And a yellow and green parakeet, Petey. He's very cute, but he's getting old. "

" I just really love the cartoon form. I love the plasticity of it. "

" I like being able to go grocery shopping and not feel that I'm fighting a thousand people. "

" I love detail, like drawing what's on top of someone's coffee table. Maybe there's a little bowl of butterscotch candies on it, next to the four TV remotes. "

" I love my parents. I did love them. It's complicated. "

" I'm sure that my parents' behavior has entered my work, I'm sorry to say. I don't think you need to have a difficult childhood to be funny, but it helps. "

" In Brooklyn, I don't feel that I'm holding up people with briefcases if I catch a stroller wheel in the sidewalk. "

" I sometimes suffer from insomnia. And when I can't fall asleep, I play what I call the alphabet game. "

" It cracks me up to see these ads for TV - for Depends or for glue for your dentures. The people in them look 55 with a hint of gray. Where are the people who are falling apart? We don't see that. "

" I think, especially with my parents, I wanted to remember who they were. I wanted to remember all of it. I didn't want to purge myself of it. I wanted to remember it. "

" I think I have a habit of, in my head, taking notes on whatever, you know, whether they're verbal or pictorial or just making a note of things as they're happening. "

" I think of my drawing style like handwriting: it's a mix of whatever handwriting you're born with, plus bits and pieces you've pilfered from other people around you. "

" I think that children's books should be censored not for references to sex but for references to diseases. I mean, who didn't think after reading 'Madeline' that they were going to get appendicitis? "

" I think when your parents die, it is kind of like a moving sidewalk: you're not just on the sideline and watching them go by. You know, you're going to the same place they are. "

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