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" A mother, after all, is your entry into the world. She is the shell in which you divide and become a life. Waking up in a world without her is like waking up in a world without sky: unimaginable. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Life

Mother

She

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" What's endlessly complicated in thinking about women's gymnastics is the way that vulnerability and power are threaded through the sport. "

" My mother never liked Mother's Day. She thought it was a fake holiday dreamed up by Hallmark to commodify deep sentiments that couldn't be expressed with a card. "

" Like my mother before me, I have always been a good speller. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Mother

" Our minds are mysterious; our conscious brain is like a ship on a sea that is obscure to us. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Ship

Minds

" I'm not much like my mother; that role falls to my brothers, who have more of her blithe and freewheeling spirit. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Role

Spirit

" But there is a discomfort that surrounds grief. It makes even the most well-intentioned people unsure of what to say. And so many of the freshly bereaved end up feeling even more alone. "

" My whole life, I had been taught to read and study, to seek understanding in knowledge of history, of cultures. "

" I wasn't prepared for the fact that grief is so unpredictable. It wasn't just sadness, and it wasn't linear. Somehow I'd thought that the first days would be the worst and then it would get steadily better - like getting over the flu. That's not how it was. "

" I believe in the importance of individuality, but in the midst of grief I also find myself wanting connection - wanting to be reminded that the sadness I feel is not just mine but ours. "

" Loss doesn't feel redeemable. But for me one consoling aspect is the recognition that, in this at least, none of us is different from anyone else: We all lose loved ones; we all face our own death. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Loss

Recognition

" Grief is characterized much more by waves of feeling that lessen and reoccur, it's less like stages and more like different states of feeling. "

Meghan O'Rourke

Much

" A death from a long illness is very different from a sudden death. It gives you time to say goodbye and time to adjust to the idea that the beloved will not be with you anymore. "

" There is always tension in women's gymnastics between athleticism, grace, performance, and eros. "

" One of the ideas I've clung to most of my life is that if I just try hard enough it will work out. "

" One word I had throughout the first year and a half of my mother's death was 'unmoored.' I felt that I had no anchor, that I had no home in the world. "

" My mother died of metastatic colorectal cancer shortly before three P.M. on Christmas Day of 2008. I don't know the exact time of her death, because none of us thought to look at a clock for a while after she stopped breathing. "

" Many Americans don't mourn in public anymore - we don't wear black, we don't beat our chests and wail. "

" Grief is at once a public and a private experience. One's inner, inexpressible disruption cannot be fully realized in one's public persona. "

" I think about my mother every day. But usually the thoughts are fleeting - she crosses my mind like a spring cardinal that flies past the edge of your eye: startling, luminous, lovely... gone. "

" This is part of the complexity of grief: A piece of you recognizes it is an extreme state, an altered state, yet a large part of you is entirely subject to its demands. "

" Writing has always been the primary way I make sense of the world. "

" To mourn is to wonder at the strangeness that grief is not written all over your face in bruised hieroglyphics. And it's also to feel, quite powerfully, that you're not allowed to descend into the deepest fathom of your grief - that to do so would be taboo somehow. "

" If the condition of grief is nearly universal, its transactions are exquisitely personal. "

" Grief is a bad moon, a sleeper wave. It's like having an inner combatant, a saboteur who, at the slightest change in the sunlight, or at the first notes of a jingle for a dog food commercial, will flick the memory switch, bringing tears to your eyes. "

" But when my mother died, I found that I did not believe that she was gone. "

" My theory is this: Women falter when they're called on to be highly self-conscious about their talents. Not when they're called on to enact them. "

" Loss is so paradoxical: It is at once enormous and tiny. "