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" At the end of the day, women are a distraction. Whether you realize it or not. "

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" I don't take pictures when I'm with my kids, for the sake of my kids. It's important when you're as busy as I am that you give your kids your time when you're with them, and nothing compromises that. I've been lucky enough to have fans that understand that. "

" My show 'The Big House' was picked up; they flew me to New York. I'm about to step on stage to announce Kevin Hart's 'The Big House.' And a hand grabs my shoulder, 'Kevin no, they just decided to cancel it.' It's a serious smack-in-the-face business, and either you can take it, or you can't. "

" The beauty of me being on stage is I have a voice. "

" I don't want enemies. I want friends, and I want them in all shapes, sizes, and colors, and loving whoever they want to. "

" People like to hear the word 'love.' "

" Comedy Central was a great network, but 'Chappelle's Show' took it to a completely different level. Other shows got bigger because so many viewers were watching the 'Chappelle' reruns. For BET, the 'Real Husbands of Hollywood' has that same potential. "

" Being humble matters. "

" I've known Ben Stiller for a minute. One of my first movies was 'Along Came Polly.' "

" In comedy, my strengths are improvisation. "

" My son is becoming me - just a silly, silly prankster guy. "

" My kids are the funniest two human beings there are. "

" When people get married young, you don't really understand the true definition of marriage. "

" I performed in a bowling alley before while people were still bowling. Cut the check, and I will perform anywhere. "

" Every relationship should eventually become a long-term relationship. Any director that I meet now isn't just a director. He's potentially a friend, and someone I can call to do a project that I want or that I have. "

" You make yourself broad. You make yourself appealing. 'Hey, y'all, I'm cool with everybody.' That's my message. "

" I love diversity. "

" If you look at me close enough, there's a small resemblance to a chicken nugget. I don't know if it's my skin texture or my hair, but the resemblance is definitely there. "

" People don't want drama 365 days a year. I'm a sense of relief; it's my job to take your mind off what's bad for that brief second you're in the room with me, regardless of shape, race, colour or anything. It brings people together, and it makes me feel good about what I'm doing. "

" What women need to understand is that men don't communicate. It's not intentional or on purpose. We're just not as emotional. You ladies feel like you have to express yourselves. "

" Whatever is on the page is what I'm married to. I'm very prepared. I'm a thespian. I don't like to improv. I don't like to go off course 'cause I think that's where stuff happens. When you stick to the material 'cause it's written so well, that's where the magic happens. "

" The most important thing for a director is being able to communicate. "

The Most Important

" I promise you, I will have something on the Internet that is game-changing. I can't lose. "

" My goal is to make everyone and anyone a Kevin Hart fan. "

" Comedy's about opening up and being unique, but to a point where the audience can relate to what you're saying. "

" Success isn't supposed to happen, no matter how hard you work. There's no guarantee you're going to succeed. There's nothing set in stone. "

" Men and women do think differently, and frankly, we don't understand each other. Not at all! But that's what makes relationships so amazing. "

" There was one incident at a movie theater where my girl got mad at these guys who were talking behind us. I never looked back there, but she was like, 'Will you all just shut up!' And I just got up and moved three rows in front. She was like, 'What are you doing?!' I was like, 'You better get up here! I don't play the fighting games.' "

" Stand-up comedy is mine: it's my entity; it's my brand; I own it. I do it when I want to do it. "

" Expect me to continue what I've been doing, which is trying to take over the world. "

" I don't need therapy. I'm not going to see a therapist; comedy acts as my therapy. I put my problems out there. I talk about them. I talk about everything before anybody has a chance. "