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" Bachelor parties would pay a lot of money to hire Pat Buchanan to come. "

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" It doesn't matter if you're famous or infamous. All that matters is you're a celebrity. "

" I don't know that I 'look up' to them, but in our predictably partisan media world, I admire journalists who are genuinely nonpartisan and totally fearless in their work - people who have no interest in being invited to the cocktail party. I don't agree with everything he writes, but Glenn Greenwald comes to mind. "

" An ideal day starts with putting on a good, smart, fun show where I learn something and ends with me fending off atomic knee drops from my two kids in our no-holds-barred pillow fight/steel cage matches. They are a ruthless tag team. "

" If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest. "

" I don't think anybody's quite accurately branded me. I'm not sure I could do it myself. "

" Like a lot of kids, I had a Superman cake or different theme cakes, but then I hit the age where I think my mom thought I was ready for the German chocolate cake that she makes for my dad. Just the sight of that, the taste of that frosting, just reminds me of being at home with my mom and my dad and my sister and my friends. "

" People know the facts of a story just as well as the people on TV do, and they have more platforms to hold the media accountable when they don't get it right. We are a world full of media experts. That's a great thing. "

" I can't say for sure where I was headed the first time my mom put a blue blazer on me. Church, probably. West Side Presbyterian in Ridgewood, New Jersey, specifically, where my blazer was paired with a clip-on tie and a pair of khakis for a Sunday morning with my fellow congregants. "

" In a tradition second in wonderful absurdity only to 60-year-old baseball managers wearing uniforms and spikes in the dugout, golf spectators come dressed ready to play 18. "

" I often eat Skippy's Super Chunk peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I don't shamefully sneak it in the dark of night when everyone is in bed. I just twist that cap off and go to town right out in the open. "

" It's fun to deliver material on live TV because it's more off-the-cuff, but I like writing better. You really can measure the joke, think an extra second and nail the right reference. "

" Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he's a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there's no turning back. It's like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn. "

" I think there's something about the homemade birthday cake, because my wife, on my daughter's first birthday, started the tradition where she takes a full cake and cuts the number birthday out of it. "

" Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world - and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived. "

" The great 'New York Times' columnist Dave Anderson famously slept one year in a child's race-car bed. There he was, Pulitzer Prize and all, snoring as his feet dangled over the rear tires of Lightning McQueen. "

" I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden. "

" When you're young, the blue blazer feels like a grown-up costume. "

" I was a big Dave Winfield guy growing up. "

" I'm not a coffee drinker, so my drink is kind of like a girlie skim chai latte. I'm not proud of it, but it's really good. "

" I've had two pedicures in my life, and they were glorious. "

" If you're one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don't leave early. You just don't. If it's a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don't leave early. "

" When you work in TV long enough, you tend to get a little jaded with different things you have to deal with. "

" I got into television in 1998 when I didn't have a computer or even an email address. "

" I do remember vividly sometime after puberty when I'd answer the phone at home and the callers began to say, 'Hi, Bill!' That's when I knew Dad and I had the same voice. "

" I'm pretty sure people are going to start writing letters again once the email fad passes. "

" I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn't the path to a soulmate after all. "

" I have a simple plan to solve the economic crisis. Give every American a $100 credit to the dog track of their choice. I have found the puppies to be a reliable source of income with a consistent rate of return. "

" My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door. "

" Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not. "

" There's a lot to be said for going to baseball games for a living. "