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" I'm not a coffee drinker, so my drink is kind of like a girlie skim chai latte. I'm not proud of it, but it's really good. "

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" I am one of the five best parallel parkers in the United States of America. Dead serious. It's to the point now where I look back when pulling into the spot only as a formality. "

" I think President Obama has always been a little bit underestimated. Some of the things he's done with foreign policy have been unassailable. Getting us out of Iraq, killing Osama Bin Laden. "

" I guess it turns out choosing your life partner from a group of men trying to get their break in show business by sitting around shirtless in a swimming pool while cameras watch around the clock isn't the path to a soulmate after all. "

" Golf is the only sport where watching the game is arguably as grueling physically as playing it. "

" When you're young, the blue blazer feels like a grown-up costume. "

" The thing about me is that I don't judge my audience. I welcome. It is a big tent. "

" There's a lot to be said for going to baseball games for a living. "

" Contrary to conventional wisdom, the blue blazer's a bit of a loose cannon. A suit decided long ago what it wanted to be, and it doesn't want to hear your ideas, but a blue blazer only got around to half the job. So it leaves it up to you to find its bottoms. Gray slacks, blue jeans, patterns, white pants and different blue shades all work. "

" You don't really have to say much when your headline is 'Drag Queen Robs Burger King.' Sometimes comedy writes itself. "

" Everyone worries about their kids, of course, but you can drive yourself nuts thinking about all the horrible things in the world - and many, many people do. I believe life is to be lived and not survived. "

" People know the facts of a story just as well as the people on TV do, and they have more platforms to hold the media accountable when they don't get it right. We are a world full of media experts. That's a great thing. "

" I often eat Skippy's Super Chunk peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon. I don't shamefully sneak it in the dark of night when everyone is in bed. I just twist that cap off and go to town right out in the open. "

" Do whatever you want to do in the privacy of your own home. "

" If you're one of the fortunate few on this Earth with a pass to enter the gates of Augusta National on Masters Sunday, you don't leave early. You just don't. If it's a Masters Sunday when Tiger Woods is near the top of the leader board, you really don't leave early. "

" I think there's something about the homemade birthday cake, because my wife, on my daughter's first birthday, started the tradition where she takes a full cake and cuts the number birthday out of it. "

" If the relentless personal maintenance plan has taken over your life, give it a rest. "

" In our deepest places, we all wish we could live like Raoul Duke for a while. "

" An ideal day starts with putting on a good, smart, fun show where I learn something and ends with me fending off atomic knee drops from my two kids in our no-holds-barred pillow fight/steel cage matches. They are a ruthless tag team. "

" My daughter will be reading about Pat Buchanan in a history book someday, and I am hanging out fist-bumping with him and joking with him. "

" I keep my politics a little closer to me than others do. "

" Kanye is going to have to decide early whether or not he's a Baby Bjorn guy, because the minute you put on that Baby Bjorn, there's no turning back. It's like buying a minivan. You lose a little piece of yourself when you get that Baby Bjorn. "

" My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door. "

" Unintentional comedy is comedy just the same. "

" When you work in TV long enough, you tend to get a little jaded with different things you have to deal with. "

" Watching 'CSI: Miami' is like watching 'Teen Jeopardy!' or doing the crossword puzzle in 'People' magazine. It makes you feel smart even when you're not. "

" High on the list of things I've been meaning to do since I moved to New York in 2004 is going up to a Columbia University football game. "

" Bachelor parties would pay a lot of money to hire Pat Buchanan to come. "

" I do remember vividly sometime after puberty when I'd answer the phone at home and the callers began to say, 'Hi, Bill!' That's when I knew Dad and I had the same voice. "

" Landing on 'Morning Joe' wasn't a fluke. I was a poli sci major in college. I interned at the CBS political unit, covered conventions. "

" Chris Rock is a very funny man. "