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" Cohabitation seems a greater leap in cities because it's all the harder to extract oneself if things turn sour. It's what keeps otherwise functional adults living with their mothers. "
Sloane Crosley
Mothers
Living
Leap
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" You know what they say: 'Why sit at a table that doesn't have key lime pie on it if you don't have to?' "
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You
Know
Pie
" At the end of each year, I sit on the floor and go page by page through the old calendar, inking annual events into the new one, all the while watching my year in 'dinner withs' skate by. When I'm done, I save the old calendar in the box of the new one and put it with the others on a shelf. "
Sloane Crosley
Events
Page
Others
" My mother is a special education teacher but also an artist, and my father an advertising executive. They are about as wacky as you can get without being alcoholics. "
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You
Teacher
Mother
" I think it's hard to have a full-time job and write fiction, but for essays, you need to be in the world. "
Sloane Crosley
World
Job
Hard
" I write on weekends, on vacation, and, really - on deadline and on my floor. Both terrible for the back. "
Sloane Crosley
Weekends
Both
Back
" We've come to expect so little from online privacy measures that public displays of concern about the matter are more or less for show. Being devastated to discover you've been tagged in somebody else's photo has an air of the melodramatic about it at this point. "
Sloane Crosley
Expect
You
Air
" In New York, if you weigh under 200 pounds and decline so much as a cookie at a co-worker's party, women will flock to your side, assuring you of your appealing physique. This is how skittish we are about the dangers of anorexia and the pressures of body image. "
Sloane Crosley
New
New York
Party
" The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar square with some of Martha, I have to share it with all of Martha. "
Sloane Crosley
Queen
I Am
Think
" Like most citizens of popular and international urban centres, I don't take advantage of the cultural opportunities. Perhaps this comes from growing up in suburbia. Home is where you eat, sleep, read, watch television and ignore your parents. It is not where you go to the ballet and then attend a heated panel discussion about it afterwards. "
Sloane Crosley
Ignore
Growing Up
Sleep
" I use Ole Henriksen eye gel when I think of it, and go for facials when spa gift certificates appear as a professional thank-you or in a gift bag. Once ensconced in a facialist's chair, I let myself be coaxed into all sorts of treatments, because I'm there already, so why not? "
Sloane Crosley
Myself
Eye
Think
" Our culture's obsession with vintage objects has rendered us unable to separate history from nostalgia. People want heart. They want a chaser of emotion with their aesthetics. "
Sloane Crosley
Heart
History
People
" New Yorkers have a delightfully narcissistic habit of assuming that if they're not conscious of a scene, it doesn't exist. "
Sloane Crosley
Conscious
Assuming
New
" The year most of my high school friends and I got our driver's permits, the coolest thing one could do was stand outside after school and twirl one's car keys like a lifeguard whistle. That jingling sound meant freedom and power. "
Sloane Crosley
School
Car
Freedom
" They say it's not the snoring itself but those anxiety-packed moments in between snorts. It's the waiting for the nasal passages of the person lying beside you to strike again. And strike it always does. In the dark, almost against your will, you produce that special glare reserved for people who cannot control their own behaviour. "
Sloane Crosley
Waiting
People
Moments
" Suburbia is too close to the country to have anything real to do and too close to the city to admit you have nothing real to do. "
Sloane Crosley
Admit
You
City
" I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off. "
Sloane Crosley
Selfish
Thinking
People
" Air travel is the safest form of travel aside from walking; even then, the chances of being hit by a public bus at 30,000 feet are remarkably slim. I also have no problem with confined spaces. Or heights. What I am afraid of is speed. "
Sloane Crosley
I Am
Problem
Travel
" I think the rule of thumb should be this: if you preface a sentence about a friend with the phrase, 'I love X, but... ' more than once in any conversation, you should stop hanging out with them. "
Sloane Crosley
Love
Friend
Conversation
" Everyone has been in a social situation where you say something and it goes unnoticed, then someone else says the same thing and everyone laughs a lot. You learn how to be more creative and whacky and amusing. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Situation
Say
" I'm a summer baby, so I usually have my birthday as a good summer memory. "
Sloane Crosley
Birthday
Summer
Memory
" As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during the day. "
Sloane Crosley
Most
Done
Day
" I definitely rediscovered reading for pleasure by devoting such a large swath of my time to sitting on airplanes. I am now painfully adept at removing my shoes so as to have the least amount of foot surface area touching an airport floor. "
Sloane Crosley
Shoes
Reading
Now
" When I was nine years old, I wrote a short story called 'How to Build a Snowman,' from which no practical snowperson-crafting techniques could be gleaned. The story was an assignment for class and it featured a series of careful but meaningless instructions. Of course, the building of the snowman was a red herring. "
Sloane Crosley
Red
Old
Story
" As most doctors will tell you, cleansing is ridiculous. You know what's been around longer than that state-of-the-art juicer? Your kidneys. And your liver. Still, the cleanse has recalibrated my definition of a splurge. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Will
Tell
" For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane. "
Sloane Crosley
Enough
Experience
Me
" I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, well, it doesn't plague me that I have yet to do so. Put it this way: I've never had to violently tug at my own pillow at 2 A.M. to get myself to stop snoring. "
Sloane Crosley
Me
Stop
My Own
" Yes. I am writing full-time. Which is strange. It feels like not having a job. "
Sloane Crosley
I Am
Yes
Writing
" The world I describe is about how people live now. It's not about zany people with unlimited, inexplicable funds in an apartment somewhere. "
Sloane Crosley
Somewhere
World
People
" Every day of my adult life, I have worn at least one piece of jewelry from my maternal grandmother's collection, all of which were manufactured by famed Danish silversmith Georg Jensen. To the naked eye, I am either a Jensen loyalist or a grandmother loyalist. Really I am just a Pretty Things loyalist. "
Sloane Crosley
Jewelry
Every Day
I Am
" A pet store is a celebration of dogs' existence and an explosion of options. About cats, a pet store seems to say, 'Here, we couldn't think of anything else.' Cats are the Hanukkah of the animal world in this way. They are feted quietly and happily by a minority, but there's only so much hoopla applicable to them. "
Sloane Crosley
Pet
Say
Think