Home
Authors
Tags
App
Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App
" Suburbia is too close to the country to have anything real to do and too close to the city to admit you have nothing real to do. "
Sloane Crosley
Admit
You
City
Related Quotes:
" Picture it in your mind's nostril: you get in a cab in time to catch twin thugs named Vomit and Cologne assaulting a defenseless pine-tree air freshener. "
Sloane Crosley
Time
Your
Air
" The trick to scrambled eggs is to remove half the milk from the container and shake what's left as hard as you can, like a cocktail shaker, before you whisk it into the eggs. "
Sloane Crosley
Cocktail
You
Milk
" I would gladly have accepted a heaping spoonful of nepotism when I got out of college and was looking for a job. "
Sloane Crosley
Out
College
Got
" When I was nine years old, I wrote a short story called 'How to Build a Snowman,' from which no practical snowperson-crafting techniques could be gleaned. The story was an assignment for class and it featured a series of careful but meaningless instructions. Of course, the building of the snowman was a red herring. "
Sloane Crosley
Red
Old
Story
" My personality, when tasked with creating meals, goes something like this: Is there a way we can make this more difficult? Because let's do that. I don't mean to complicate things. It's just - why buy pre-packaged potato salad when you can spend your morning boiling potatoes and flipping out because there's no dill in the house? "
Sloane Crosley
You
House
Way
" In New York, if you weigh under 200 pounds and decline so much as a cookie at a co-worker's party, women will flock to your side, assuring you of your appealing physique. This is how skittish we are about the dangers of anorexia and the pressures of body image. "
Sloane Crosley
New
New York
Party
" Everyone has been in a social situation where you say something and it goes unnoticed, then someone else says the same thing and everyone laughs a lot. You learn how to be more creative and whacky and amusing. "
Sloane Crosley
You
Situation
Say
" You know what they say: 'Why sit at a table that doesn't have key lime pie on it if you don't have to?' "
Sloane Crosley
You
Know
Pie
" I attended an extremely small liberal arts school. There were approximately 1,600 of us roaming our New England campus on a good day. My high school was bigger. My freshman year hourly calorie intake was bigger. "
Sloane Crosley
Small
Day
School
" Because I am a horrible flincher, contact lenses are not an option. I'm always envious of contact-wearers. There are endless reasons to take off one's glasses during the day and, as I have grown older, what I don't see has become increasingly pronounced. "
Sloane Crosley
See
Glasses
Always
" I can say with a solid degree of authority that I am a selfish person. I spontaneously forget the names of more people than not, unless I want to make out with them. I will take the last square of toilet paper off the roll without thinking twice. I tip taxi drivers so poorly I'm amazed none of them have run over my foot while speeding off. "
Sloane Crosley
Selfish
Thinking
People
" At the end of each year, I sit on the floor and go page by page through the old calendar, inking annual events into the new one, all the while watching my year in 'dinner withs' skate by. When I'm done, I save the old calendar in the box of the new one and put it with the others on a shelf. "
Sloane Crosley
Events
Page
Others
" I think that most New Yorkers would object to calling me a New Yorker. I didn't grow up here. "
Sloane Crosley
Grow
Think
New
" I think it's hard to have a full-time job and write fiction, but for essays, you need to be in the world. "
Sloane Crosley
World
Job
Hard
" There is no such thing as a crazy dog person in New York. Are there people who are completely insane about their dogs? Hordes. But cat people may as well have whiskers and tails themselves. That's because their pets' lack of social need taps straight into our worst fears as the human inhabitants of New York. "
Sloane Crosley
New York
Dog
Crazy
" I was the youngest of my entire family so you are tap-dancing to try to get the attention of your older cousins. I really hit my social stride in 6th grade, but before that I was a pretty big dork. You learn how to be amusing and how to work for it. "
Sloane Crosley
Family
You
Work
" I like to try to do a little work before I do anything in the morning, even if it's a paragraph. "
Sloane Crosley
Work
Little
Like
" When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end. "
Sloane Crosley
Go
End
You
" Cats and their owners are on a private, exclusive loop of affection. Thus cats have become symbolic of a community eschewed and a hyper-engagement with oneself. They represent the profound danger of growing so independent in New York that it's not merely that you don't need anyone - it's that you don't know how to need anyone. "
Sloane Crosley
Cats
You
New York
" The Queen of Crafts herself, Martha Stewart, and I have the same birthday. I prefer to think it's the glue-gun wielding, perfect-tart-producing Martha and not the copper pan-throwing, jail-going Martha. But I suppose if I am going to share a calendar square with some of Martha, I have to share it with all of Martha. "
Sloane Crosley
Queen
I Am
Think
" Going to a museum is one of those inexplicably tiring things. You're not actually doing anything, more shifting your weight from room to room than walking. And yet it is one of the more tiring things one can do, no matter how thrilled you are by the exhibits. "
Sloane Crosley
Doing
You
Walking
" I used to think that nails-down-a-chalkboard was the worst sound in the world. Then I moved on to people-eating-cereal-on-the-phone. But only this week did I stumble across the rightful winner: it's the sound of a baggage carousel coming to a grinding halt, having reunited every passenger on your flight with their luggage, except for you. "
Sloane Crosley
Winner
You
Flight
" For me, titles are either a natural two-second experience or stressful enough to give you an ulcer. If they don't pop out perfect on the first try, they can be really hard to repair. Or, worse, if the author thinks they pop out perfect, but the publishing house does not agree, it's difficult to shift gears. And then? Then you go insane. "
Sloane Crosley
Enough
Experience
Me
" Brits and Americans have hundreds of different phrases for the same thing. Luckily, it's usually a source of amusement rather than frustration. A flashlight by any other name is still a torch. My personal favourite is 'fairy lights,' which we boringly refer to as 'Christmas lights.' "
Sloane Crosley
Name
Lights
Frustration
" Out of all artists, authors are the least trained for the spotlight. Wanting attention isn't a requisite part of the package. "
Sloane Crosley
Wanting
Attention
Spotlight
" There's just no concept of layering a thick-sleeved sweater under a coat in L.A. A coat is more of a gesture than a necessity. You know, in case the temperature goes down to 55 degrees. "
Sloane Crosley
Down
More
Sweater
" Sometimes in New York, you're walking down the street and you realize there's a girl walking in front of you whose thighs you could hit a golf ball through, and maybe that makes you depressed. "
Sloane Crosley
New York
Golf
Girl
" You can't possibly fathom the ins and outs of a prepubescent beauty treatment until you've felt the strange but exhilarating tingle of a cottage-cheese-and-Pop-Rocks facial. "
Sloane Crosley
Strange
Treatment
Beauty
" I am starting to like L.A., but the concept of a place you have to get used to so much seems a little weird to me. I have been to many foreign cities where I didn't have to acclimatize as much as I did to L.A. "
Sloane Crosley
Me
You
Starting
" I don't really think of my essays as being about myself. I know it sounds insane, but I just don't think of them as a memoir. They're essays; they're not an autobiography. "
Sloane Crosley
Know
Think
Myself