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" Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there. "

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" I was never a Certified Public Accountant... I just had a degree in accounting. The reason I was never a Certified Public Accountant was because it would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do. "

" Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time. "

" I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much. "

" I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology? "

" People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that. "

" All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!' "

" I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant. "

" People with a sense of humor tend to be less egocentric and more realistic in their view of the world and more humble in moments of success and less defeated in times of travail. "

" Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.' "

" I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike. "

" Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story. "

" With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. "

" The only way to survive is to have a sense of humour. "

" Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. "

" Sometimes you forget you're famous. You wonder, 'Why is that person staring at me?' "

" All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world. "

" This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now. "

" I was an accountant in Chicago, and a friend of mine, Ed Gallagher, was in advertising. At 4:30 every day I'd be bored, and I would call him. He'd interview me. "

" I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun. "

" Without great writing, you've got a bunch of actors bumping into each other. "

" Probably the best advice I ever got in my life was from the head of the accounting department, Mr. Hutchinson, I believe at the Glidden Company in Chicago, and he told me, 'You really aren't cut out for accounting.' "

" I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'. "

" It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves. "

" I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time! "