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" Embarrassment and awkward situations are not foreign things to me. "

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" I think I used comedy as a mechanism: if I could make the other kids laugh, I wouldn't get beaten up or teased as much. "

" All I really wanted to be was a working actor. "

" I think Ellen DeGeneres is just hysterical. "

" At my core, I'm a Midwesterner. "

" Kiss is a super - they are total businessmen. They pride themselves on it. "

" Sometimes you read a script, and it's like, 'You'll improv, and this is just a blueprint of what the scene could be,' and that's never a good sign. And it's never encouraging as an actor to take that on, really. "

" I wasn't one of those kids who was like, 'I want to be an actor.' It wasn't in my wheelhouse at all. I wasn't from a family that did this or in a place where people did this. "

" It's nice to be in anything that anybody sees or likes. If it's something that has lasted, it's great. "

" As a kid, I know that most of my parents' friends were because my mom made friends with them, and my dad went along. I know a lot of dads who do that. I think it just starts to happen with guys. In the case of my father, he was probably just too busy reading books about Titanic. "

" Theater is the most enriching and thrilling thing to do as an actor. "

" I'm, uh, not proud to say it - I play fantasy baseball. It's, like, the dorkiest thing ever. "

" When I was in my early twenties, I used to grow all sorts of very weird beards. All of them awful in retrospect. I had Civil War beards for a while, then Mennonite beards. "

" I don't find the characters I've played funny. The characters are actually taking their situations very seriously. "

" Looking back, I'm really happy with the choices I've made in my career. I know for a fact I could be wealthier. Who knows, maybe I could be more successful, maybe not. I don't know. But just about every single thing I've ever done I've gone into with the right intentions, and that goes a long way. "

" Comedy-wise, I think Chris Elliott is one of the funniest people. "

" I'm not that nice - it's one of those things that reveals itself over time. You could talk to people who know me well; they could give you a laundry list. Except they probably wouldn't because they're petrified. "

" What's weird is that anybody can write anything, and once it goes online, it's permanent. My very first biography on IMDb, which was written by a manager I had at the time, was not true. "

" There are so many really good comedians, and I would never be as good as they are. It's not my calling. "

" There are many great writers out there and, actually, great scripts. The problem is - and this is what I've always felt, even when I got out of school and started reading scripts - the really smart, character-driven stuff tends to be smaller films, and they just don't get made. "

" Whatever I'm working on, the character I'm playing tends to slowly bleed into my own real life. Not in any kind of creepy, Method actor-y kind of way - it's just an innate kind of merging. "

" Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris - they're both genius. "

" I do like the idea that tomorrow I might find out that I'm going to be doing something that is completely unknowable today. I think it forces you to live in the moment in a very good way. "

" A lot of people say, 'What's the worst part about being an actor?' And the worst part is that you're not a musician. "

" I know a lot about the Titanic. My dad was a Titanic expert. "

" Even more than getting married or having kids, I found losing a parent is what thrusts you into adulthood. For me it was. That was when the Earth tilted on its axis, and there was a paradigm shift, and I felt like a different person. "

" I think most marriages, mine included, you're constantly tending the garden, constantly working at it. "

" Early on, I decided I would see if I could make a career work on my own terms. "

" Personally - and I don't mean to brag - my jokes have been falling flat for most of my life. "

" Willie Nelson is the perfect person, it seems to me, to think about. Because something tells me that he operates on his own frequency. "

" I don't have an agenda where I do a comedy and say, 'I have to do a drama next,' or 'I am looking for an action movie now.' "