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" Every funny story has at least one unusual thing in it. "

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" I was a DJ in college and had my own punk music-focused show all four years. "

" The most difficult thing to pull off in a musical is the choreography. "

" It seems like the real television networks, the amount of people that watch each network is going down and down, and the amount of people that watch each website is going up and up. "

" I'd been involved with stand-up before improv, so I already thought highly of myself as being a funny person. I never thought I wasn't funny. "

" I can't stand USC. They get such media attention. "

" So many comedians, if you asked them, 'What's your priority in standup?' it's probably gonna be to make people laugh or to entertain them. That is just way down on my priority list, if on my list at all. I'm into breaking records. If I can do a set and break a record and get no laughs, I'm happy. "

" Don't invite me to a surprise birthday party. I don't have room for that secret. I've got enough real secrets I have to keep: dark, life-destroying secrets. "

" Acting is just about the script and the director giving you notes. In improv, it's more about trusting that the group will carry you. "

" I didn't even learn to play guitar until the movie 'Walk Hard,' which is probably fortunate because maybe I would have pursued it, and that would have been a waste of my time. "

" We agree that there is a problem in the sketch and improv community where, in general, there should be more interest from a more diverse sampling of our society. That is precisely why we do have diversity scholarships and why we've put together a diversity program to try to figure this problem out. "

" I really enjoyed doing stand-up. Andy Kaufman was a big hero of mine. I tried to do conceptual stuff like he tried to do. "

" A story is ultimately a memory. It's important when you're telling a story to think about why this memory is a memory. You don't remember everything in life; you just remember certain things - so, why this one? "

" I don't think 'Freak Dance' is a parody; it's more reference than anything. People don't think of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' as a 'Frankenstein' parody. It's kind of like that. "

" Mary Holland is really funny. "

" Sometimes people can be offensive and not even realize it. "

" I guess that I was always considered a little too weird for the standup clubs and probably too jokey for doing performance art and those places where those are done. "

" Instead of improvisers who want to be funny by themselves, we aim to try and make the scene itself as funny as possible. As a creator, I think that's someone you'd rather work with, whether it's a movie or a sitcom; that kind of methodology is good for collaboration. People want to be with those kinds of performers. "

" I like musicals that are sometimes comedic, but I haven't even seen the Monty Python musical, and I'm a huge Monty Python fan. "

" Improv acting is not just saying the lines but connecting with the other actor. "

" I do believe if we opened up a comedy theater in a city, that we're going to be able to teach improv better than whoever's there already. In general, I think I could say that. "

" I used to go to those dance circles when I was a kid. When break dancing was first popular in the '80s. I would be in Boston, or I'd head up to New York, and I would stand in those circles, and I would just be blown away. "

" I think it's pretty stupid to write off an entire genre of anything. It's one thing to say 'I don't like country music.' But it's pretty narrow minded to say 'All country music sucks.' Of course, that being said, all short-form improv sucks. "

" I saw Chris Rock do standup before he was famous. I was just a teenager. That will always be special to me. "

" Often, when people don't do so well in a monologue at UCB, it's because they're racking their brain so hard to be funny that they're just not honest and don't just tell a true story, which is what we want. "

" I grew up in the '80s, when breaking was cool, and then it got corny in the '90s, and it became cool again with all these choreographed B-Boy dance crews. "

" For all you Joe Besser haters who claim that he was the worst Stooge, that's not true - Curly Joe DeRita was the worst stooge. Joe Besser was the second worst. "

" I don't think I've ever had a conversation with a comedian who stole except for when it's been in anger. "

" I got really depressed when Sidney Moncrief lost to Larry Bird. That really depressed me. "

" You're always starting with a nugget of truth, whether it's a song or an improv scene. "

" We all hate those stories that end with 'And that's the story.' "