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" I like Russia. I love Russians! "

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" It's very easy for the U.S. or Western Europe to have this moral line of right versus wrong, and you go, 'Well, that's breaking the law.' 'Why?' 'Because it's the law.' "

" It's a stereotype that Jews run Hollywood. Guess what? It's true. Jews do run Hollywood. It's a stereotype that many Jews are wealthy. Guess what? Many Jews are wealthy. And there's nothing objectionable in the image. What's unflattering about Jews rising out of oppression and poverty and making it to big success? "

" Cycling has been my passion throughout my life. "

" There've been a lot of TV programs on me in Russia. "

" Clean sports becomes an ethical question, but I believe in it. "

" Every country wants to protect its athletes because it's ultimately Germany vs. Spain, America vs. China; sports are an extension of the government because of national pride. "

" Admitting that we ourselves are bar mitzvah boys is our way of letting non-Jews as well as Jews in the audience know that everything we're doing is meant in good fun; we're having fun with our background and don't want to be taken in the wrong way. "

" If the Russians masterminded fraud for 40 years at the highest state level in sports, operating behind the scenes to corrupt sports, what else are they capable of? "

" The routines of any ethnic comic - Eddie Murphy or George Lopez, for example - would not work if they were performed by anybody outside the group. The same routines would become arrogant and racist. "

" All comedy does that. Every comedian I can think of - Larry David, Seinfeld, Mel Brooks, Chris Rock - that's where the best comedy comes from, from stereotypes. "

" Getting a movie made is a miracle... because the studios are only interested in making 'The Avengers.' "

" You know how it is in L.A. You go to restaurants at four in the afternoon, and they're packed because everyone is an actor, and no one is working. "

" Let's say you are driving in the U.K., and you are pulled over by the police for speeding, and you try to bribe the police officer with £300 to walk away. I guarantee you that at least 99 times out of 100 you are going end up in handcuffs, and you will be charged with the crime of trying to bribe a police officer. "

" With sport, we should sit back, enjoy. It's awesome to watch. "

" We're never going to please everyone, but all the great Jewish comics have succeeded through irreverence and self deprecation. "

Please Everyone

" So much of Judaism is about suffering, survival, and pathos. "

" My mother is my best friend. "

" The IOC have decided Russia will pay them £50 million, and that is their punishment for 40 years of duping the world and going against every single clean athlete on earth. The IOC has fought a spectacular fraud with more fraud. "

" Us Jews are nomadic people. "