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" Let's say you are driving in the U.K., and you are pulled over by the police for speeding, and you try to bribe the police officer with £300 to walk away. I guarantee you that at least 99 times out of 100 you are going end up in handcuffs, and you will be charged with the crime of trying to bribe a police officer. "

Bryan Fogel

Walk

Trying

Police

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" With sport, we should sit back, enjoy. It's awesome to watch. "

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" We're never going to please everyone, but all the great Jewish comics have succeeded through irreverence and self deprecation. "

" I love being Jewish, but I think that our generation is the first generation that crossed that line between being a cultural versus a practicing Jew. "

" The IOC have decided Russia will pay them £50 million, and that is their punishment for 40 years of duping the world and going against every single clean athlete on earth. The IOC has fought a spectacular fraud with more fraud. "

" It's very easy for the U.S. or Western Europe to have this moral line of right versus wrong, and you go, 'Well, that's breaking the law.' 'Why?' 'Because it's the law.' "

" I directed this movie 'Jewtopia' that was based on a show I wrote which played Off Broadway for a number of years. I was trapped in 'Jewtopia'; it wasn't the film I wanted to make. "

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Everyone

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" Every country wants to protect its athletes because it's ultimately Germany vs. Spain, America vs. China; sports are an extension of the government because of national pride. "

" If the Russians masterminded fraud for 40 years at the highest state level in sports, operating behind the scenes to corrupt sports, what else are they capable of? "

" Clean sports becomes an ethical question, but I believe in it. "

" All comedy does that. Every comedian I can think of - Larry David, Seinfeld, Mel Brooks, Chris Rock - that's where the best comedy comes from, from stereotypes. "

" There've been a lot of TV programs on me in Russia. "

Bryan Fogel

Lot

Programs

" Admitting that we ourselves are bar mitzvah boys is our way of letting non-Jews as well as Jews in the audience know that everything we're doing is meant in good fun; we're having fun with our background and don't want to be taken in the wrong way. "

" The routines of any ethnic comic - Eddie Murphy or George Lopez, for example - would not work if they were performed by anybody outside the group. The same routines would become arrogant and racist. "

" So much of Judaism is about suffering, survival, and pathos. "