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" I think people are a lot more sensitive than they used to be, and quite rightly so. I don't think we should be using racial jokes and things like that. "

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" If you ain't the lead dog, the view never changes. "

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" A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that. "

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" I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good. "

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" I don't know how I do it, but I've written about everything. I've written about my shoes. "