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" I was a bad boy as a child. "

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" I laugh when I see people in pain. Sometimes I think it is a defense mechanism from childhood, where you're in so much pain you have to laugh. It is a survival mechanism. "

" I guess I'm odd-looking. I'm skinny. But I'm not only skinny - I'm oddly shaped. "

" Straight people say, 'You know you're just gay,' and gay people say, 'You know you're just gay.' There is such a thing as bisexual! "

" I say, 'I'm bi, my love knows no gender,' and the straight community says, 'Oh right, that's just a cover-up - you're gay!' And the gay community says, 'Yeah right, that's just a cover-up - you're gay.' They both want to push me gay. "

" There are all kinds of addictions, and I've got every single one. If you set me in front of anything, I will do it until I ram it into the ground and it's done working for me. "

" People love to hate. I have a love-hate relationship with the world. The world loves to hate me. "

" I believed in God my whole life, and then strayed away from it in my teen-age years, until recently. "

" I have a very dark sense of humor. "

" My parents just neglected me, I wasn't abused or anything. "

" You cannot be this successful without having God on your side. "

" I had no blood relatives till I made some. "

" When I was a kid, I was afraid of other kids. "

" I grew up Presbyterian, just a basic Protestant upbringing. There were years in my life when I would go to church every Sunday and to Sunday school. Then I just phased out of it. "

" I never really worked with Chris Farley, I hung out with him, but I had plans, I had big plans, movies, and I was in no hurry. "

" Before I was known, I would go on stage and pretend I was other people. Once I pretended I was mentally handicapped. It was really wrong. One time I was a bad magician. And one time I pretended I was a Christian comic. "

" I really have to edit myself - I need someone with a censor button around me all the time. I'm just a little unaware of what's deemed appropriate. "

" I've always been with God, even in my darkest hour. That is why I say I am alive. I mean, I should have died a number of times. "

" There are atheists and Christians, and there are people in both groups who are a little too heavy-handed. "

" I believed in God my whole life. "

" I'm really ultra-affected by things, I feel things deeper, and I cry at the drop of a hat, and offended and sensitive and I'm almost paranoid very easily, and that's who I am. "

" I have a spiritual advisor I call up, when I just feel lost. Lately, I've been talking to God. I developed this dialogue in rehab, this dialogue with God, and every day I talk to God. "

" In terms of being vulgar, I don't think you need to be violent unless it's slapstick, violence to yourself. That can be funny - we've all tripped and fallen on our faces. "

" I definitely know that I play the part, however big or small, in the deaths of at least two people, Chris Farley and Phil Hartmann. "

" The Internet is a great place to find unconventional comedy that you can't find anywhere else. "