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" I'd like to see a ghost. It would confirm there's an afterlife. "

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" If you could cross a lion and a monkey, that's what I'd be, because monkeys are funny and lions are strong. "

" There's a certain level of comfort that comes when you move in together. The mystery is gone. She starts dressing for bed in your pajamas, cream on her face, Uggs, curlers. What happened to the sexy girl that used to come to bed in lingerie? The girl says, 'We don't need to act.' "

" I like All Saints. They make great leathers. I love Hugo Boss, especially the suits. I like James Perse for T-shirts, and Supra and Radii for sneakers. And God Is in the Details. "

" There's an art to comedy. "

" I had to do the full body shave for the first coupla weeks of 'White Chicks,' then I said, 'You know what? I'm just gonna be a hairy white chick 'cause this is too much! "

" You need to be lucky in life, but it's also what you do with your luck. "

" There are so many things to talk about between black people, Hispanic people, white people, gay people, men, women, it's all based on fear. We all have fears, this thing that stops us from embracing as we are one. We are never going to be one. People are messed up, but humor lets us see how ignorant we can be. "

" Let me tell you, Barack Obama is the most down dude in the world, but he's so smart; so articulate, such an amazing speaker; such a passionate man. He's humble. "

" I'm the most inappropriate dad. I curse in front of my kids and their friends. I let my kids watch R-rated movies. I'll walk by the movie theater and say, 'Let's go see that,' and my kids will say, 'No, it's rated R. It's not appropriate for kids.' I'm like Uncle Dad. We have fun. I don't live with them, but I drive over four days a week. "

" One of the greatest compliments you can ever get is when you make fun of a certain sect of people and they are laughing the hardest. When we did 'Men on Film' on 'In Living Color,' gay men wrote in how much they loved it. "

" So, I was sitting there and I watched 'Paranormal Activity' and I was like, 'Boy, white people do dumb stuff in movies.' So I was like, 'Why don't they just leave the house... What if paranormal activity happened to a black couple?' "

" I grew up in the projects. You have no choice but to fight. My jokes used to get me in fights. "

" I'm good at coming up with wacky characters and funny dialogue. "

" I got caught stealing when I was a kid from the local bodega right across the street from where we lived. I tried to steal a big bag of Red Hot Dollars. And I swear, I was about 7 years old and the bag was bigger'n me. "

" I don't want there to be this separation between the rich and poor. I may be part of the three percent because I've been fortunate and done well for myself, but I will never forget about the 97 percent. That was me growing up. I was so poor I dreamt about being just 'regular poor,' not 'poor, poor.' "

" I got written out of 'G.I. Joe' and was like, 'Welp, I'm going to go back to what I do: writing and producing comedy.' "

" I got a man cave. I play my music loud. I bought big speakers because I need to hear music loud. "

" I think family is key, and if you have love for family, then you have love for others - and you have unity as a people. "

" Success is not a destination, but the road that you're on. Being successful means that you're working hard and walking your walk every day. You can only live your dream by working hard towards it. That's living your dream. "

" I was going to be valedictorian in elementary school, but I got into too many fights, and they made me salutatorian. I was smart back in the day. Now I'm just an idiot. "

" You learn timing on the road. You learn structure and how to read an audience. You learn so much about the business of laughter that you can't learn on a set, because it's all on you. Sometimes you bomb, and you know not to tell that joke again... You just hope people find the humor in the awkwardness. "

" I went to a performing arts high school, we learned Shakespeare, I did 'Fences.' When you train, you can do anything. "

" With parody, you're referencing and sending up a particular genre, and mostly your material is going to be taken out of that genre. "

" Confident people, who understand comedy, improvise so much better than people who are scared. You can't be scared to improvise. You have to know your character, and then you have to let go. "