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" I'd love Shakey Bill to tell me a story - I mean, William Shakespeare, he could squeak a nib couldn't he? "

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" Other people get moody in their forties and fifties - men get the male menopause. I missed the whole thing. I was just really happy. "

" With an audience it's now, there are no editors around. It's just me and the audience and it's what I like best. "

" I've always had a problem with doing what I'm told. "

" When you're an experienced celeb - which I am - you sometimes just need a bit of space, when you're not 'on'. I'm always on! "

" Insanity is a very high art form. If everyone was insane, I wouldn't be here! "

" You perform for a different audience each night. People who don't understand just think that you go out there every night and do the same thing, but you don't - you have to find out who they are and give it to them. "

" I had a very happy childhood, happy teenage years and I was famous by the time I was 22. A charmed life. "

" When I was young, I saw some of my heroes doing it on the telly. We're talking about Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Arthur Lowe, Ian McKellan, Kenneth Williams. These were all guys telling stories to me. "

" I've always had live audiences. "

" I would love to do more on the stage; having actual contact with the audience is great. You can give them a good seeing to! "

" As I see it, there's mainstream comedy - and then there's me, out in the badlands. "

" Bring me another bad one, and I shall protect my British people - I brought down Thatcher to protect my people, and I'm bringing down Tony to defend them, and I'll be there for any other dangers that come along. "

" I have always tended toward extremism: I'm Motorhead rather than REO Speedwagon. "

" It's difficult for me, to look into eyes of a journalist and trust him to present it as you say. "

" I ought to be groovy and be able to say the enemy is this and the enemy is that... but I've never been very good at... I don't want to have to answer questions I don't know the answer to properly. I have an opinion. "

" I don't want people to know who I am. "

" Something that has been important to me is never to repeat myself, never to go back. "

" With 1,000-seater venues, rather than 5,000-seaters, there are richer opportunities for sucking the audience in. "

" I don't have moments of weakness. I'm Rik Mayall. "

" I'm frightened of interviews. "

" Words on the page don't have the same impact as somebody saying the words to you. "

" I died. Which is fantastic, because I have died already; I have been there and come back. I am completely recovered, thank you. "

" London audiences are the most challenging around - it's a group of such diverse strangers. "