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" I don't have moments of weakness. I'm Rik Mayall. "

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" It's difficult for me, to look into eyes of a journalist and trust him to present it as you say. "

" I'd love Shakey Bill to tell me a story - I mean, William Shakespeare, he could squeak a nib couldn't he? "

" With an audience it's now, there are no editors around. It's just me and the audience and it's what I like best. "

" Storytelling has always been one of my great pleasures. "

" You perform for a different audience each night. People who don't understand just think that you go out there every night and do the same thing, but you don't - you have to find out who they are and give it to them. "

" When I was young, I saw some of my heroes doing it on the telly. We're talking about Spike Milligan, Peter Sellers, Arthur Lowe, Ian McKellan, Kenneth Williams. These were all guys telling stories to me. "

" London audiences are the most challenging around - it's a group of such diverse strangers. "

" As I see it, there's mainstream comedy - and then there's me, out in the badlands. "

" I would love to do more on the stage; having actual contact with the audience is great. You can give them a good seeing to! "

" I'm frightened of interviews. "

" Other people get moody in their forties and fifties - men get the male menopause. I missed the whole thing. I was just really happy. "

" I died. Which is fantastic, because I have died already; I have been there and come back. I am completely recovered, thank you. "

" I had a very happy childhood, happy teenage years and I was famous by the time I was 22. A charmed life. "

" I have always tended toward extremism: I'm Motorhead rather than REO Speedwagon. "

" I've always had a problem with doing what I'm told. "

" I don't want people to know who I am. "

" With 1,000-seater venues, rather than 5,000-seaters, there are richer opportunities for sucking the audience in. "

" When you're an experienced celeb - which I am - you sometimes just need a bit of space, when you're not 'on'. I'm always on! "

" Bring me another bad one, and I shall protect my British people - I brought down Thatcher to protect my people, and I'm bringing down Tony to defend them, and I'll be there for any other dangers that come along. "

" I've always had live audiences. "

" Insanity is a very high art form. If everyone was insane, I wouldn't be here! "

" Words on the page don't have the same impact as somebody saying the words to you. "